


Tell Me

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: McHanzo [28]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship/Love, M/M, Memories, Names, Past, Past Relationship(s), Secrets, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-08-20 04:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16549199
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: They had met years before, a fling that had ended without names being exchanged and with an unspoken farewell. Hanzo had never expected to find the Cowboy again, let alone the day he joined Overwatch...and he was unprepared for the fact that the man that he had never managed to forget, was unable to recognise him the day he finally gave McCree his name.





	1. Chapter 1

     Hanamura. Once, a long time ago and in a different lifetime, this place had been home, the place where Hanzo had naively allowed himself to believe that he would be able to live forever. Even now, years after he had abandoned his duty to take over the family. Years after he had thought that he had killed his brother and fled, leaving the Shimada clan to be reduced to dust, he found himself returning here every so often and not just to light incense and mourn his brother. Despite everything that had happened, not all the memories of this place were bad, and he found himself returning again and again, just for brief visits so that he could relieve those happier times, although even those happy memories had long since become tainted with regret and grief.

   That was why he was currently wandering around the gardens of the Shimada compound, the paths that had once been clearly defined now overgrown with weeds and the once neatly kept gardens now wild and unkempt, trees and plants sprawling all over the place, and yet it was still beautiful. He followed the familiar route to the furthest corner of the gardens, the sound of his footsteps echoing on the path and he found himself faltering and glancing around with wary eyes. The silence was a little unnerving, and he remembered the days when it had been virtually impossible to have silence in this place, there was always someone close by, either Genji trailing after him and trying to irritate him or his father’s men keeping an eye on everyone that came and went. His fingers tightened around his bow, feeling those eyes on him even now that everyone was long gone, and he glanced around once more before moving onwards, heading for the private garden in the far corner. Retreating to the one place he had ever been able to have anything remotely resembling privacy.

    It was almost unrecognisable now, the small Koi pond had dried up and any fish were long gone, and he closed his eyes for a moment. _Maybe this was a mistake._ It had been a long time since he’d felt completely at ease here, but after taking a deep breath, he gathered his courage and moved across to the small bench against the far wall, finally releasing his hold on the bow as he reached out and brushed the fallen leaves off before sitting. The view was very different than it had been back then, the silence leaving an odd sensation in the air, but when he closed his eyes for a moment it felt like home. Almost like he was back there in the past, back on the very first day he had met him…

_He’d fled to the gardens, exhausted and irritated after long hours of lessons about the clan. And not for the first time he wondered if his father or the elders would ever believe that he knew enough about the Shimada clan, and their business to be able to lead them. It seemed more and more that they were repeating everything, acting as though he was no closer to being the clan heir they wanted even though he knew that he had come a long way. Yet he could never bring himself to snap at them, or rebel - that was Genji’s style, and part of Hanzo feared that if he acted out as well it would be his brother that would pay for that disobedience. As much as he envied his brother there was no way he would willingly turn more of the clan’s ire in his direction. All he could do was escape out to this remote corner, one of the few places where they had allowed him to be fully alone, and while it was still within the walls, it was a taste of freedom, and right now that was what he needed._

_He was too anxious to settle on the bench just yet, instead following the paths around the large koi pond with restless steps, slowly feeling himself beginning to calm down. In the distance, he could hear the sound of people talking, men practising in the dojo and by the sounds of it someone bellowing at his wayward brother. But it was distant, and he let out a soft breath, instead focusing on the soothing sound of the water in the pond being tickled by the breeze and the small streams that led towards the other parts of the garden. Exhaustion was pressing in more intently now that the irritation had faded, and he was about to turn and head back to the bench when he felt eyes on him, and he tensed. He’d left his sword behind, but his hand slipped down to the knife tucked with his kimono even as he turned towards the sensation and came up short, blinking in surprise at the man that met his gaze._

_It was part of his training and responsibility to know the people his father did business with, but he knew for a fact that he had never seen this man before. It would be impossible to forget this man he thought, taking in the strange western get-up, knowing from the business meetings he had been forced to sit in on that even for a westerner this man was odd. His gaze lingered on the strange clothes for a minute, admitting to himself at least that as odd as the clothes were, they suited the man, and his gaze flicked down to his own traditional clothes for a second, and it took all his control not to shift uneasily, feeling oddly out of place. Instead, he turned his attention back to the other man, letting his gaze trailing over his face, lingering on the beginning of a beard and sideburns before meeting warm, brown eyes and sucking in a breath when he realised that the other man was mimicking his intense study._

_“What are you doing here?” Hanzo demanded feeling suddenly flustered under the curious gaze, relieved to hear that he sounded far more collected than he felt right now and forcing himself to keep his gaze focused on the man’s face. Which was a mistake he realised a moment later, his heart speeding up at the warm grin that spread across the man’s face._

_“Enjoying the view,” the reply was soft, the words drawled in a way that Hanzo found irritatingly fascinating, and it took him a moment to realise that the man wasn’t talking about the garden. To his embarrassment, he could feel his cheeks beginning to heat up, and he took a deep breath to try and calm himself, narrowing his eyes at the other man and silently conveying his disapproval. Apparently, the message had got across, as the man rubbed sheepishly at the back of his head before explaining in a more serious tone. “You rushed past me a few minutes ago, and I admit I was curious.”_

_“Curious?” Hanzo echoed with a frown._

_“Yep.”_

_“This is a dangerous place to give in to curiosity,” Hanzo pointed out sharply. Normally he would have found the thought of a stranger following him for ‘curiosity’ alarming or even offensive, but he couldn’t summon those feelings under the warm gaze that was watching his every move._

_“I can protect myself,” there was a calm confidence to that statement that had Hanzo raising his eyebrows, it was rare for anyone to be able to summon that kind of expression or tone when surrounded by the Shimadas. It was like a breath of fresh air, especially after the unbearable weight of his lessons that morning and Hanzo found himself taking a step forward before he knew what he was doing. Then his more sensible side kicked in and he growled under his breath. What the hell was he doing? His expression tightened, he couldn’t afford to be distracted or careless, and he drew himself up to his full height, ignoring the fact that the other man still towered over him, and adopted the voice, he had been coached to use._

_“An admirable attitude, but a foolish one,” he said softly, pausing for a moment as he realised that he would have to pass the man to get back, before squaring his shoulders and moving forward, hoping that his expression wasn’t giving anything away. “You should be wary where you wander in this place, and I would advise you to head back now.”_

_“Will you come here again?”_

_“I…” Hanzo hesitated, realising that his warning had been brushed aside, the man’s gaze still fixated on him, and he found the refusal that had welled up dying on his tongue. He knew that was the answer that he should give, that he would be expected to give, and maybe that was why he couldn’t say it, his earlier irritation returning for a second as he added softly. “Maybe….”_

_“Then I’ll be waiting,” the man was grinning at him again, and Hanzo felt his stomach doing an odd flip-flop at the sight._

_“Fine,” he replied, trying not to show how much that idea pleased him, speeding up as he reached the man with the intention of getting out of there before he could make a complete fool of himself. However, just as he was almost in the clear, he felt a warm hand grab his arm, and it took everything he had to stop himself from lashing out instinctively._

_“Wait!” The grin was brighter than before, and something told Hanzo that the other man was fully aware of how close he had come to lashing out and that he didn’t mind. It was that which made him hesitate, staring up at the taller man expectantly, although the words that followed made him wish that he hadn’t waited. “Tell me your name.”_

_“I won’t…”_

    Hanzo sighed as he opened his eyes, remembering how the man had let him go at that point, sensing that there was more to his refusal than he had let on and how the man had watched him go, that warm gaze had haunted him for days afterwards. It had been that chance encounter that had led to a relationship that had been the only thing that had made the daily toil of learning to be a perfect hair bearable, but, in the end, it had lost out to that same duty. His expression darkened slightly, a heavy weight in his chest as he let his gaze drift back to the spot where he had first spotted the man - would things have been different if he had given his name at that first meeting? Or would he have fled like so many people did when they heard the Shimada name? He would never know now, he hadn’t seen the other man since the day they had said farewell, and he had never let himself learn enough about the other man to be able to track him down – if he even deserved to, he amended as he glanced at his bow before rising to his feet.

It was time to leave.

    There had been another reason to coming back here today, beyond a chance to relieve happier memories and his expression was sombre as he let his gaze trail over the gardens and up to the mansion in the distance.

He had come to say goodbye.

    While he doubted it would be the last time his path led him back to this point,  he had finally given into Genji’s urging to join the reformed Overwatch. Partly out of the hope that it would give a chance to continue to work towards the redemption he still sought regardless of what his brother said about it being unnecessary, and partly because he knew that the past was just that. Coming back here was no longer as soothing as it had once been, and he sighed before bowing to his old home for a moment, slowly turning away and then bounding up and over the wall behind him.

_It is time to move forward…_

****

    McCree sighed as he made his way down the corridor towards his room, noting that the base was cleaner than it had been when he first came back, clearly Winston and some of the others had been busy whilst he was away, and he screwed up his nose, guessing that he would be roped in now that he was back. Not that he was going to complain, after years of working solo it was nice to be back at Overwatch even after everything that had happened. It was just going to take some getting used to he admitted, his hand drifting up to the bandage on his arm. He had forgotten what it was like to work as part of a team, and he had found himself coming up short when Lena had flashed past him and been winged in the process. Clearly, he was going to have to work on that, especially as he wasn’t keen on bringing Angela’s wrath down on his head again anytime soon, she wasn’t much of an angel when she was scolding you.

   The rooms along the corridor were gradually filling up, and he shook his head as he passed Lena’s room, catching a blue blur out of the corner of his eye as she bounced around setting things up to her liking. She had always been one for making the Spartan rooms as warm and homely as possible, and he merely raised a hand in greeting when she spotted him, wanting nothing more than to sprawl out on the bed and catch a nap.

    His own room when he reached it was still depressingly bear, but then he had been sent out on a mission barely two days after he had arrived. All he had beyond the basic furniture right now was a half-dead cactus in the corner that he would need to remember to water, a pile of clothes slung in a chair, and there on the bedside table - completely out of place with everything else about him and his room, was the tiny, ornate jade dragon he had been given years ago. His expression softened at the sight of it, slowly closing the door behind him and heading across to the bed, tossing his hat to the floor as he sat on the edge of it and reached for the dragon. It was cool to the touch, and he turned it over carefully, fingers tracing the delicate lines of the Dragon, a nostalgic smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

_“Here,” the smaller man had never really been one for words, something that McCree who was always one for stating things bluntly had struggled with at first. However, after months of pursuing the other man he had learnt to read the dark eyes, and the odd emotion that would slip through the mask that was slowly cracking in his presence. That was why he could see the nervousness in the dark eyes before he slowly he lowered his gaze to what his lover was holding out to him, eyes widening slightly at the ornate carving and he was hesitant to take it, sensing that there was more to this gift than was immediately evident._

_“This…”_

_“Is for you,” the other man cut him off, sounding uncharacteristically soft and McCree found himself gazing up in concern. There was still a lot he didn’t know about the other man, including his name, but he knew that he rarely let himself sound so open. “A reminder, and protection…”_

_“Protection?” McCree echoed, deciding that was safer to focus on than the first, not liking the hint of finality in that first word. However, the other man had merely offered him a small smile, leaning up to kiss him softly on the cheek before disappearing without another word. Leaving McCree with a sinking feeling in his stomach, a warm cheek, and a jade dragon clasped tightly in his hand._

    It had been a farewell he had realised two weeks later when there was still no sign of the other man coming back to see him, and with all his attempts to go to him thwarted by circumstance and the insane security in Hanamura. Although it had been another two weeks when he had finally admitted defeat, called away by another job and realising that he was only prolonging the inevitable by hanging around waiting for a man who was clearly never coming back. It had hurt. It had hurt more than the numerous injuries he’d suffered over the years, and he had found himself actually contemplating leaving the dragon behind when he packed. However, he hadn’t been able to bring himself to abandon it, remembering the soft voice and small smile when he was given it and wanting to cling to that memory as best as he could, regardless of how painful it was.

“I’m a fool,” he muttered as he flopped back on the bed, the dragon still clasped in his hand, and the memory of a soft, accented voice telling him the same thing echoing in his mind. Sighing he closed his eyes, and let himself drift off to sleep, his dreams haunted by the memory of dark eyes and soft hands, and a farewell without words.

****

    Hanzo hesitated for a moment as he studied the building in front of him. It had taken him longer than intended to get to Gibraltar, partly due to an unexpected encounter with several Talon operatives who had been keen to engage his services as an Assassin and reluctant to accept his refusal, and he was glad that they hadn’t known where he was heading. The other reason for his delay had been the doubts that were now stopping him from moving closer, although he had already spotted several cameras that would no doubt have registered his presence and he knew that it wouldn’t be long before he faced a welcoming committee and his expression darkened as his reservations grew. He had promised Genji that he was coming, and that he would join Overwatch - that he would try and move forward alongside him, and he knew that was not something he could renege on and with a sigh he took a step forward.

_Here goes nothing…_

    He had only gone a few steps when a door opened, and he caught a silver and green blur a second before he found himself pulled into a tight embrace. He stiffened at the foreign sensation, fighting back the urge to shove his ‘attacker’ away. How long had it been since someone had held him like this? He didn’t want to know the answer to that question, especially when memories of a different brown-eyed man flashed through his mind, and he settled for tentatively wrapping his arms around his brother, a warmth that he had thought long lost flooding him when they finally parted.

“Genji.”

“Brother,” the soft greeting was almost enough to bring tears to Hanzo’s eyes, and he struggled to keep his expression even, trying not to show just how much it meant to hear that name again. A name that he had thought that he had lost the right to use a long time before. He had a feeling that Genji could see right through his efforts though, and he didn’t protest when his brother wrapped an arm around his shoulder and guided him into the building. “Welcome to Overwatch.” It was amazing how much those words sounded like ‘Welcome Home’, another foreign sensation for the older Shimada, and he found his steps slowing slightly as he glanced around, tensing slightly as the door closed behind them.

   The base was spartan and felt somewhat unlived in but considering the recall had only been initiated a short while before maybe that was to be expected. It didn’t really matter though, Hanzo wasn’t here for comfort or safety, he was here for the man who was guiding him towards one of the corridors leading further into the base. “I can’t believe you’re here,” Genji was rambling in his ear, and he glanced towards his brother with a slight quirk of his lips, caught off guard when they came to a halt a moment later, vaguely aware of someone approaching, but more focused on his brother. “Let me introduce you to my friend.”

 “Hey there…” The soft, southern drawl made Hanzo tense, eyes widening. _There’s no way._ It sounded so like the soft voice that had once whispered silly promises in his ear that he felt his heart ache, and his movements were hesitant as he slowly lifted his head just as the newcomer finished his self-introduction. “McCree’s the name. Jesse McCree.”

    His heart was racing in his chest as he stared at the man - taking in the cowboy attire that was even more ridiculous than it had been back then, the scruffy beard and side-burns leading up to even messier brown hair peeping out from under the cowboy hat. Hair that he had once run fingers through, and his gaze lingered a moment longer before moving down, taking in the cigar clenched between his teeth, and the warm grin - the same warm grin that had made him pause that day in Hanamura. It was impossible. Yet there was no doubt in Hanzo’s mind that this man, this McCree -the name echoed in his head, that this McCree was the man that he had loved long ago. His heart seemed to be hammering against his chest now, colour seeping into his cheeks as he glanced down, realising that he had McCree’s name, but that the other man still had no idea what his name was. He worried at his bottom lip, aware that his brother was also waiting for him to respond and feeling both men staring at him, he blurted out his name.

“Hanzo…My name is Hanzo.”

 


	2. Chapter 2

    Genji sighed as he climbed out onto the base roof, easily spotting his brother’s figure on the far side, eyes narrowing as he took in the dejected slump to Hanzo’s shoulders. He had known something was wrong, even after all the time they had spent apart it had been easy to tell that there had been more to his brother’s silence as he was shown around the base and introduced to the other agents who were currently in the base, than just simple social awkwardness. However, he had also known better than to ask when they were in public, Hanzo had always been a private person especially when it came to his thoughts and feelings, and he doubted that had changed in the years they’d been apart. Besides he had been more concerned with the wariness that the others were showing towards his brother, and he’d tried his best to show them and Hanzo that he harboured no ill feelings towards his brother, although he wasn’t sure how successful he’d been. However, now that the introductions were over and done with and everyone had gone about their business, he could focus on sorting out whatever was going through the older man’s head.

    His movements were silent as he moved across the rooftop, the long years of training with the clan and his time with Blackwatch still engrained in him, and while Hanzo gave no sign of knowing that he was there, he wasn’t fooled. Even when they were little he had never managed to get the drop on his brother more than once, even though he had been able to catch their father and some of his best men off guard.

“What do you want Genji?”

“Are you going to tell me what is bothering you?” He asked, ignoring the confirmation that even now his skills still weren’t enough to get past his brother and instead moving closer and sinking down beside Hanzo, letting his legs dangle over the edge of the building. It was a good view he noticed, knowing that it must be even better for his brother with his sharp eyes, and he couldn’t blame the older man for coming up here. It was a habit they had both developed as children, always seeking out the highest point when they were stressed and wanting to clear their thoughts, and it was reassuring to find something else that hadn’t changed.  “Hanzo?” He prompted when the silence threatened to drag on long enough to become uncomfortable, and this time he was rewarded with a sigh from his brother, before the predictable answer of…

“No.”

“Hanzo…” Genji sighed, hearing the defensiveness in the other’s voice. A defensiveness that had sent him fleeing when they were children, because usually it had been followed by a sharp glare and even sharper words, but he wasn’t going to back down this time. The whole point of convincing Hanzo to join Overwatch had been so that they could reconnect, and so that his brother could move past the solitary life he had been living since that night. Which meant that they had to talk about this, rather than letting it be lost in the silence like they would’ve in the past, he just wasn’t sure how to force the older man to speak to him. “Please, Hanzo I just want to help.”

“He didn’t recognise me…” Hanzo’s voice was so quiet that for a moment he thought that he had imagined it, but when he turned to look at his brother he was stunned by the open expression of pain that had appeared on Hanzo’s face, and he found himself hesitating. He had never once seen that kind of look on his brother’s face, and he had probably seen more emotion from Hanzo than anyone left alive had, at least before everything had gone wrong and he found himself shifting uneasily. _What is going on?_ Hanzo seemed to have realised something was wrong, dark eyes meeting his gaze briefly before the archer’s face became a blank mask, although he couldn’t hide the pain in his eyes as he added softly. “He might not even remember me at all…”

“Who?”

“Je…McCree…”  Hanzo cut himself off sharply, falling back into a more formal tone, another defensive method that had been drilled into them from a young age. He needed it now, because the thought that he had been clinging to the memories of the time they had spent together in Hanamura, believing that out there the other man felt the same, when it was becoming abundantly clear that he didn’t - it hurt.  And he gritted his teeth, biting back a curse or maybe it was a sob, as he turned his gaze back to the view as he caught Genji’s sharp intake of breath. _Don’t make me tell you..._

“Jesse?” Genji echoed in confusion, wondering what the Cowboy could have done to get this kind of reaction from his brother, after all they had only just met, and McCree had been called away as soon as the introductions were done, and he had seemed perfectly amicable with his prickly brother. However, he frowned as he recalled the way his brother had blurted out his name, his first name at that when they had been introduced. While with everyone else his introductions had been calm, formal to the point of seeming frigid and he had never just given his first name.  “But you’ve never met him before, have you?” He caught the way the older man tensed at that question, a muscle ticking in his cheek and he carefully shuffled across until he was pressed against Hanzo’s side, waiting a moment to see if he would be pushed away before nudging him gently in encouragement. “Brother?”

“I have,” Hanzo admitted softly, realising that Genji wasn’t going to let this go anytime soon, and hoping that maybe talking about some of it would help calm the confused mess that brief meeting had made of his thoughts. He tilted his head to look at the younger man, his expression softening a little as he recalled how much effort he’d had to go to back then, trying to hide the developing relationship and their illicit meetings from his ever-inquisitive brother and after a brief hesitation he let his head fall against Genji’s shoulder as he continued. “A long time ago, I just didn’t know his name…”

_“I’m not going to tell you my name if you won’t tell me yours,” the other man hadn’t seemed offended in the slightest by his continued refusal to give up his name. Not for the first time it made him wonder, how someone associated with the Deadlock gang and now the Shimada clan, could be willing to trust so easily, even if they didn’t talk about anything that could be too dangerous. Still, he narrowed his eyes at the taller man, aware that he could find out the answer by asking around, but something was stopping him from doing so, and he had a sinking feeling it was something to do with the charming smile the other man was giving him._

_“Then what should I call you?” He asked quietly._

_“Whatever you want darling,” the other man drawled, tipping his cowboy hat at him and Hanzo huffed out a breath at the teasing response, feeling his heart beating a little faster at the nickname. It wasn’t the first time the other man had used a silly term of endearment to address him, falling into the habit after they had run into each other for the second time in the garden, and yet he still didn’t seem to have built up an immunity to it. He would huff and pretend to be displeased, but instead, such names made warmth blossom in his chest. It was like nothing he had ever experienced in his family. Sure, Genji would call him big brother, and other less pleasant names when they were bickering, but other than that his life was just one long stream of formal introductions and the ever-present weight of the Shimada name._

_“Don’t call me that…” He muttered, but from the small smile that met that response he hadn’t been completely successful in hiding his pleasure at the nickname, and he pouted at the other man, before adding shyly. “…Cowman.”_

    His poor attempt at using a nickname had been met with warm laughter and a gentle kiss, and for the rest of their relationship, he had called the other man by that name, but now… _’McCree’s the name…Jesse McCree…”_ The introduction had been so easy, but it had lacked the warmth that those silly, teasing exchanges had given him.

“I remember that summer,” Genji’s thoughtful voice drew him out of his memories, and he blinked, startled to realise that he had been so distracted by the past that he hadn’t noticed his brother slinging an arm around his shoulders. “I think it was the only time you weren’t moping around the compound,” he added, mischief evident in his voice and Hanzo growled at him.

“I didn’t mope…”

“You’re moping now,” Genji pointed out with a warm laugh before he sobered. “So, Jesse…?”  He had always suspected that his brother was seeing someone back then, but despite his best efforts, he’d never been able to catch Hanzo doing anything other than training and attending his seemingly endless lessons and meetings. And he hadn’t been able to imagine him doing anything that went against the rules and so he had written it off as his imagination, and tried to enjoy the fact that his brother was in a better mood than usual.

“Yes…”

“And you clearly still like him…?” Genji added a question at the end, somewhat wary about making assumptions nowadays. While it seemed that more had remained the same than he had expected, he didn’t want to undo what progress they had made. He didn’t get a response but considering that Hanzo made no effort to pull away from him and he could feel the tension that had seeped into his brother’s body at his question, he didn’t really need one and he sighed. There had been no recognition in Jesse’s eyes when they met up earlier, and yet if Hanzo felt this strongly about it, whatever relationship they had must’ve run deep, and his expression darkened behind his mask.

_How? How did you forget my brother?_

****

    McCree sighed as he entered the room, flexing his hand and feeling the residual ache from all the tests that Angela had insisted on putting him through, making a mental note not to tell her the next time the blasted thing played up. It would be less painful, well at least until she found out he was hiding things and put him through every test known to man he amended with a grimace, knowing from experience that it really wasn’t worth it. As always, his gaze shifted to the Dragon on the bedside table as closed the door behind him, and he frowned as his thoughts drifted to the man he had met earlier for a moment, and for a second, he paused. There had been something almost familiar about the man, _Hanzo was it?_ However, he was fairly sure that he would remember meeting someone like that, a small grin tugging at his lips as he allowed his thoughts to roam slightly before he shook his head. He had heard the others talking on the way back to his room, and he knew that most of the base was wary about their newest member and that he should probably be the same after all the man had tried and very nearly succeeded in killing his own brother.

“Not that I can really judge a man on his past,” he muttered as he discarded his hat and sank down on the bed, fingers gently tracing one of the many scars that he bore from his time with the Deadlock Gang. He might not have targeted his own family, but he had helped destroy plenty of others even if it hadn’t been directly. It was part of the reason he had gone for a friendly approach when greeting the other man, well that and he had seen the way Genji was acting around his brother. The ninja had practically been radiating forgiveness although it hadn’t seemed like Hanzo was aware of that, and if Genji could forgive his brother then who was McCree to rock the boat. “Still, he bears watching…” He added quietly to himself. With the way things were going right now they couldn’t afford to be too careful, and as far as he was concerned the ninja was already family - Hanzo still had a way to go before he could reach that status.

_I can keep an eye on him, it won’t hurt anything…_

****

    Genji was somewhat surprised to find the training grounds empty when he slipped inside at three in the morning, nowadays it seemed as though someone was always down here. They all had their own issues and memories that kept them awake at night, not helped by the current situation with the recall and Talon, and they all tended to migrate down here. Usually, he didn’t mind the company, because while their experiences were all different, they had experienced enough for a quiet understanding to build between them. However, tonight it wasn’t his own problems keeping him from sleep, but rather his brother’s. He had managed to get a few more details out of the reclusive man, slightly startled to realise just how deep the relationship had gone and feeling fresh anger at the Shimada clan for taking yet another thing from them. Hanzo hadn’t said how it had ended, but it was clear they had parted ways without staying in touch, and the only reason for that could have been their family.

    He could feel anger bubbling up his chest at the thought, and he took a deep breath, knowing that it wouldn’t help anyone if he got lost in that past anger once more, almost able to see Zenyatta’s disapproving gaze even though the Omnic was currently away on a mission. Drawing his sword, he moved into the main area, taking a couple more deep breaths before letting himself begin to move through the katas, the familiar movements working better than anything to help calm him down. However, it wasn’t enough to drive all the thoughts from his head, and he found them drifting back to Hanzo and Jesse, he shook his head, still staying in rhythm as he moved through the steps. It was hard to imagine the rough and tumble Cowboy managing to win over his stoic brother, especially back then when Hanzo had been buried under the pressures of learning to be the perfect heir. Although maybe that was exactly why he had managed to get through to his brother, offering him something that the Shimada clan could never give him, still they were a strange pair he mused. Yet it was clear that it had been serious on Hanzo’s part at least, and from what he knew of Jesse it must’ve been serious on his end as well, and yet somehow, he had forgotten.

   Hanzo had still been quiet when they had parted ways for the evening, only pausing long enough to grasp his arm and ask him to let the matter rest. Genji snorted at that, although he was torn between amusement at the thought that Hanzo could think he would ignore something like this and worry that his reclusive brother would even ask him to. He had expected the topic to be brushed aside once they came off the rooftop, not that he had any intention of letting that happen, but for Hanzo to try to stop him from interfering… _he still cares about McCree._ He had feared that his brother had cut himself off from everything like that and learning that Hanzo still cared about something other than redemption was a relief. Now he just had to think of a way to help his brother, because there was no way he was going to drop this.

 


	3. Chapter 3

_Take aim…deep breath…focus…fire…_

   Hanzo barely registered the sound of the arrow striking the target, his fingers already seeking out the next arrow, the entire world reduced to the repetitive action of notching the arrow, firing and repeat. Only this time he found himself coming up short when his searching hands came up empty, and he tilted his head, staring at his empty quiver uncomprehendingly for a moment before taking a shuddering breath and lowering his bow.

_It isn’t enough._

    In the past he had always been able to lose himself in training, whether it was with the sword or the bow, regardless of what was happening around him or in his own thoughts. Yet for the past week he had found himself unable to truly focus, and not just because of Je…McCree…or because of his brothers less than subtle attempts to give them moments together, something he was going to have to put a stop to as soon as possible, because he had seen the suspicion starting to form in McCree’s eyes when Genji pushed them together yet again. He might not recognize Hanzo, but he wasn’t blind, and it was clear that he could tell that something was wrong.

    No, the main reason, or at least that was what he was trying to tell himself for his lack of focus was the lukewarm welcome that he had been subjected to by the rest of the agents on the base. Not that he could blame them. His past spoke against him, and all the years of solitude that he had endured since his fight with Genji had left him even more antisocial than he had been when he was younger. Still, whilst he had expected that kind of welcome, and thought that he’d been prepared for it, it hurt far more than he had anticipated. Although he was doing his best to hide it during the day, and especially when he was interacting with others, not wanting them to think he was seeking pity. He knew that his brother wasn’t fooled in the slightest, and Genji always seemed to be there trying to make things easier for everyone, trying to break the ice with warms words. And McCree - the cowboy was the only one who seemed to treat him any degree of warmth, which only made the fact that he didn’t remember the archer even more painful, especially as Hanzo found that he was still as drawn to that warmth as he had been in the past, only now he didn’t have the right to reach for it.

    Growling under his breath, and not for the first time wishing that his thoughts were as easy to control as his expressions when he was around the others, he slowly made his way towards the targets with the intention of retrieving the arrows. Only to come up short as the door slid open with a soft ping, and the person he wanted to avoid the most - and see the most, stepped into the room only to falter as he spied Hanzo. The easy grin that appeared a moment later as McCree spied him, did unpleasant things to Hanzo’s stomach and he was surprised that his bow wasn’t creaking with protest as he gripped it tightly.

“I wasn’t expecting anyone to be here at this time of night,” McCree commented, not about to admit to that he’d heard the arrows hitting the targets and come to investigate, eyes narrowing slightly as he took in the haggard state of the archer. He wasn’t blind to the way the others were reacting to Hanzo’s presence on the base, but it was the first time he had really got a close look at the other man in the last few days and his expression softened a little as he studied him. No matter what Hanzo might say or do during the day when surrounded by the others, it was clear that the situation was weighing on him. “Can’t sleep?” He had learnt enough from watching Genji’s interactions with his prickly brother over the last few days to know better than to just charge straight into the topic.

“I was just going to retire for the night.” Hanzo replied awkwardly, now holding his bow close against his front as though it was a shield and staring at the ground, unaware of the way McCree’s eyes narrowed and his head moved to the side as he considered the archer. Something about that pose stirring something deep in his memory, but it seemed determined to hover just out of reach for now, so he filed it away to consider later, instead taking a small step forward.

“You look as though sleep is the furthest thing from your mind,” he said, and Hanzo finally lifted his head to look at him, something akin to surprise in the dark eyes, and McCree felt the same tug at something in his memory and he wanted to growl in irritation. “I was going to do some target practice, and I’d welcome a little friendly competition if you’re in the mood?”

“Why?” 

“Why?” McCree echoed.

“You don’t object to my presence, not like everyone else…” Hanzo muttered, knowing that wasn’t really a fair thing to say. Genji had been overjoyed by his presence, despite the difficulties he had caused and some like Winston had managed to hide any uncertainty behind a genial mask, but right now it felt as though he was alone aside from the man in front of him. He shifted uneasily at that thought, because it felt a little too much like it had back then, back when McCree had been the only person in his life who had treated him as a normal person, even if it had only been because he didn’t know who Hanzo really was. “Why?” _Why can you still be like this? Even when you don’t remember me? Even when you know what I did to Genji?_

“I’m not in any position to judge,” McCree replied after a moment, moving past the archer and heading down to the targets and methodically beginning to remove the arrows embedded in them, noting with interest the skill and power that must’ve been behind the shots. Behind him Hanzo had frozen at the reply, wondering what the other man was talking about, and just how much had he missed out on after they had parted ways. “Besides it seems like Genji wants you here, so who am I to rock the boat?” Hanzo’s eyes widened at that, a memory rising…

_“Why aren’t you demanding more from me?” Hanzo demanded, not angry but wary, frightened about how close this westerner was getting, and without asking for something in return. Unable to believe that anyone would want to get this close to him without an ulterior motive, even though he knew that the other man still had no idea who he really was._

_“Because all that matters are these moments.” The younger man had reached out and grasped his hand, and for a moment he had been tempted to snatch his hand away. But there was something in the small smile that stopped him, and instead he held himself perfectly still as the other man reached up to brush warm fingers against his cheek. “And that you’re here with me right now.”_  

     There was a stinging sensation in his eyes now, and he them for a moment as the dull ache that had been present from the moment he had realised that McCree hadn’t recognized eased, because no matter what, this was still the man he had loved back then.

“In that case, I would be happy to practice with you for a little while,” he replied finally, opening his eyes just in time to catch the warm grin as McCree pulled the last of his arrows from the targets, wondering just how long he had been lost in his thoughts.  This time he managed to hold the cowboy’s gaze evenly as McCree moved back to him and held out the gathered arrows, hesitating for a moment before reaching out to accept the arrows and managing not to jolt as their fingers brushed.

“Don’t hold back on me now,” McCree drawled as he stepped back, a challenging gleam in his eyes as he drew his own weapon and for the first time in a long time Hanzo felt a small smile tugging at his lips.  His mind drifting back to a young McCree who had stood in front of him demanding to be taught basic martial arts, yelling at him not to hold back – a request he had always been wary of granting, because damn it he hadn’t want to harm the one good thing in his life. However, the man in front of him was different from back then - stronger, hardened by whatever life had thrown at him since then, even if the warm grin was still the same. Shifting his quiver around to the front he carefully placed the arrows back inside before moving it back into place and lifting his bow, his mind calm once more as he reached for the first arrow, smoothly firing a shot past the Cowboy’s ear and allowing himself a small nod of satisfaction as it hit home before shifting his gaze back to McCree.

“I wouldn’t dream of it…”

**

    Genji heaved a sigh of exasperation as he leant against the wall. He’d been thrilled to see McCree heading into the practice room of his own accord, especially as he knew that Jesse had already known who was in there after watching him listen outside for a full five minutes before entering. And the conversation between his brother and the gunslinger had probably been the longest and least awkward one of the whole week, despite his best efforts to get them together and speaking. Efforts that he knew Hanzo was aware of, and he was still waiting for his brother to call him out on it, not that he had any intention of stopping. Especially not after seeing the small smile that crept onto Hanzo’s face a few moments before, and he wished that he had been close enough to hear everything they had been saying, because he wanted to know how to put that expression on his brother’s face. However, whilst it was a step forward it wasn’t enough.

_If he can put that kind of expression on your face when he doesn’t remember you…what expression would you wear if he did?_

****

     McCree grinned as he sauntered into the main common area, spotting the archer sat in the far corner completely engrossed in whatever he was working on, and the oddly relaxed expression on the older man’s face drew him like a moth to the flame. It was like the one that he had been wearing by the end of their late-night practice a couple of days ago, a practice that had barely ended in a tie, and with a loose promise to have a rematch at some point. He studied Hanzo for a moment, but the archer gave no sign of being aware of his presence, so he made a detour across to the coffee pot, keeping half an eye on the other man even as he claimed his favourite mug and filled it, relieved to see that it must have been Junkrat or Lucio who had made this pot - because it was sludge and it smelled divine. He hastily gulped down a mouthful with a sigh of relief, grinning as he heard a noise of disgust from the other side of the room and turning back to him to find that Hanzo was now watching him.

“Nectar of the gods,” he teased, holding the mug up and chuckling at the expression on the archer’s face. This was a disagreement they’d had more than once after he’d accidently offered Hanzo a mug of coffee rather than his preferred tea. Deciding that it was pointless to rehash that debate right now he took another sip of his coffee before heading across to the table, tilting his head towards the seat opposite Hanzo in question, grin growing when Hanzo nodded. He wasn’t sure what or why, but something seemed to have changed between them the other night, the archer seeming to be a little bit more at ease in his presence over the last couple of days.  “Origami?” He asked, watching Hanzo’s deft fingers as they worked, feeling a slight pang as he recalled watching someone else do this a long time ago, and he hesitated for a moment before reaching out to touch a simple, white crane. And he was unaware of the way Hanzo’s eyes had widened at the gesture, the tension that had crept into the archer’s shoulders as he murmured. “They’re beautiful…”

_“They’re beautiful.” Hanzo managed not to jump at the sudden voice, instead turning his head to level a cool glare at the other man, sighing as he was met with the same easy grin as always. Normally he would have heard him coming, but he had been completely engrossed in his origami and he silently chastised himself for lowering his guard that much. Still, he shifted aside to make room for the other man to sit down, watching with narrowed eyes as the cowboy reached out to gently run his finger over a crane._

_“It is nothing…”_

_“Did I say something wrong?” Apparently, his tone hadn’t been as neutral as he had been aiming for, and he was brought up short by the concern in the brown eyes that were now focused on him with alarming intensity and he found himself glancing off to the side, flustered._

_“No….” If it had been anyone else Hanzo would have left it like that, and not just because his rank generally meant he didn’t have to explain himself to anyone but his father and the elders. However, there was something about the other man, about the way he looked at him and seemed to see him as a person rather than a connection or a threat, that made him feel like he could share a little more of himself. “My mother used to love origami, she is the one that taught me how to do it…” He trailed off for a moment, losing himself of memories of afternoons spent at her side learning how to fold the paper, and how to shape it into any number of animals. Genji had been there at the start, but his brother had never been able to sit still long enough to learn properly and eventually it had just been Hanzo and his mother. Until she died and all he was left with was a boxful of origami she had made for him, and the skill she had instilled in him. It was a skill he was coming to hate, and his expression darkened as he stared down at the frog he was in the process of creating. “But nowadays I find myself looking at it with different eyes. It’s just sheets of paper that are powerless until someone moves them, molding them as they please.” He hesitated for a moment, unsure if he wanted to share the last bit and eventually settling for whispering, half hoping that the other man wouldn’t hear it. “They’re just like me…”_

    Hanzo blinked, staring down at the assortment of animals covering the table in front of him, hesitating for a moment before reaching out and picking up the crane and holding it out to McCree, who blinked back at him with startled eyes.

“For you…” He stated simply before rising to his feet, the memory had been bittersweet, especially with McCree right in front of him, and he hesitated for a moment as he caught the cowboy staring down at the origami bird with a strange expression. It would be so easy to say something, but the thought of being rejected, and of the anger that McCree had every right to feel over how everything had ended back scared him more than he wanted to admit. Even Genji had no idea just how deep that terror ran, and he intended to keep it that way. “I’ll see you later…” _Cowman,_ the old nickname was on the end of his tongue, but he swallowed it back as he almost bolted for the doorway, not realizing that McCree still hadn’t torn his gaze away from the crane in his hands.

_Beautiful…_

****

    McCree sighed as he stepped into his room, hesitating for a moment before setting the crane that Hanzo had given him down on the bedside table, his fingers lingering on it for a moment before he trailed them over the jade dragon as well. The last time he had seen someone doing Origami had been during that summer, and at one point his room had been filled with them, in all shapes and colours. He’d even held onto them for a long time, desperately clinging to what little he had left to remind him of the man who had been his entire world for those precious months. _Why am I thinking about that now?_ He thought with a noise that was half chuckle, half sigh as he flopped back on the bed, Hanzo’s face and his lover’s flicking through his mind and he squeezed his eyes shut with a groan.

_McCree couldn’t stop the grin that appeared as he spotted his companion already waiting in their area. The first few times they had met had been by accident - well he had returned their hoping to find the other man there again, but it had been hit and miss at best. But this was the fourth time this week that the other man had already been there waiting for him, stoic features softening slightly at his approach, although McCree had a feeling that most people wouldn’t have noticed. He had seen the surprise in the dark eyes whenever he had noticed the subtlest change in the other’s expression, and he had silently resolved never to stop looking, hating the thought that other man might be alone when they were apart._

_“Good morning darling,” he greeted warmly as he dropped down next to the other man, noting the half smile that met his greeting._

_“You’re late…” I thought you weren’t coming, McCree could hear the unspoken words and for a moment he was frozen, unable to reply as a strange warmth spread through his chest as it was the first time that his companion had acknowledge that he was wanted._

_“Some of us had meetings this morning,” he replied eventually, catching the small flinch that met his words and filing it away to consider later, instead focusing on reaching out to entwine their fingers before adding softly. “But I’m sorry.”_

_“It’s fine…”_

_“So,” McCree grinned mischievously, earning a nervous swallow from the older man. “If we’re going to keep doing this, do you think I can get your name?” He waited for the immediate refusal that had met that question every other time he had asked, and he was brought up short by the conflicted expression that met his question, the longing hidden in the dark eyes. “Darling?”_

_“I shouldn’t…”_

 


	4. Chapter 4

    Genji was relieved that he was on the far side of the table to his brother right now and that Winston’s body was serving as a further barrier, because there was no mistaking the fury darkening Hanzo’s eyes, although he was doing an admirable job of keeping it off his face. To be fair, Genji knew that he deserved that look, after all, he had deliberately gone against Hanzo’s plea to let things to stay out of his relationship - or rather non-relationship with McCree. However, after watching their interactions and seeing the growing longing in Hanzo’s eyes, he’d had to do something, sensing that McCree might be the key to bringing back the Hanzo he had grown up with. It had been simple enough suggesting to Winston that Hanzo accompany them on their next mission, pointing to his brother’s growing friendship and improved teamwork with McCree, helped by the fact that the entire base had become accustomed to seeing McCree and Hanzo together at least two or three times a day. Although he had to admit that he hadn’t been expecting Winston to pair them up to guard the perimeter when they reached their target, which was why he was now fidgeting under his brother’s glare and trying not to glance at McCree who seemed to have picked up on the tension as well.

    Thankfully the briefing ended a few minutes later, and they were all dismissed to prepare. Genji had tensed, half expecting his brother to say something there and then, despite their audience. Instead, Hanzo had taken a deep breath, expression shuttered as he stared at Genji for a moment before whirling on his heel and stalking out of the room without a single word.

“Is he that irritated by the thought of working with me?” McCree asked with a sigh as he stared at the doorway, startled by the abrupt departure. He’d thought that things were settling into an easy friendship between the two of them, but he had seen how Hanzo had tensed the moment their names were announced for the new mission. And the archer hadn’t looked at him once throughout the entire briefing even when McCree had whooped at the thought of finally getting to work with him in the field.

“McCree…” Genji muttered, realising for the first time that it might not be his brother’s stubbornness that was going to be the biggest obstacle to getting the two of them together. Everyone else in the room was staring at him, having easily picked up on the fact that Hanzo had been glaring at his brother, apart from McCree apparently as the cowboy looked honestly confused and worried, glancing between Genji and the doorway that Hanzo had disappeared through. “You are an idiot.” He didn’t wait for a response, instead hurrying out of the room and chasing after Hanzo. He might end up with an arrow in his face because of this, but he wanted to at least get that out of the way before they were in the field, especially as there was every chance they were going to be heading into real trouble if Winston’s intel was any indication.

**

    Luckily his brother’s habits hadn’t changed over the years, Hanzo heading straight to the practice range to shoot out some of his frustration before gathering his equipment and Genji hovered by the door for a few minutes, just appreciating the sight of his brother handling the bow. Hanzo had always been talented with whatever weapon he set his hands to, but there was something about the peaceful expression that was slowly replacing the irritated glower from a few minutes before that the ninja found fascinating. And while he regretted the path that had led to his brother abandoning his sword for the bow, he was glad that Hanzo had gained something from it.

“Why did you put my name forward for this mission?” The question came out of the blue, Hanzo’s gaze still fixated on the training bots that he was slowly but steadily decimating, his hand steady on his bow and Genji sighed. He had learned a long time ago that the angrier his brother was, the less likely he was to look at him. It was why he had known that Hanzo hadn’t wanted to fight him that fateful night, the dark eyes had never once left his as they traded blows, allowing him to see the pain, and the reluctance. The emotions that his brother hadn’t been able to hide, but that he hadn’t been able to understand until it was nearly too late, and he grimaced at that thought before straightening and pushing those thoughts aside. He had made peace with that past, and he didn’t want to focus on that now, not when he finally had a chance to push his brother towards the future that Hanzo was still reluctant to reach for on his own.

“We needed a sniper, and the others are out on missions,” he started cautiously, and it was true enough because he knew that Winston would have been a little more hesitant about agreeing to his request if they’d another option. Especially as he knew that Genji was generally up to no good when he came out with direct requests. “Besides it’s about time you did more than recon missions.” In the beginning, he knew that Hanzo had been sent on the short reconnaissance missions so that Overwatch could assess his skills, and test his loyalty. Because no matter how much they had accepted the archer, no one had been able to forget his past and given the fragile balance at the moment they needed to know if they could trust him.

“And?”

   Genji grimaced at the question, Hanzo had clearly realised that he was telling the truth, but apparently, he wasn’t willing to give up on his questioning, not that Genji could blame him after all those had only been secondary concerns when he had come up with this plan. He sighed in defeat as his brother finally glanced across at him, another arrow finding its mark in a bot with unerring accuracy and Genji winced as it sparked and died with a pitiful whirr.

“I wanted to give you the chance to work with him,” he admitted finally, knowing that there had never really been any point in trying to hide it.  Sharp eyes catching the way Hanzo’s eyes darted to the unofficial scoreboard that McCree had pinned to the wall to keep count of their training, noting the slight softening of his brother’s expression and risking taking a step forward.  “That’s what I’m talking about. You two have been getting closer, in fact, you’re practically inseparable at times and yet there’s still a wall between you. Battle, fighting alongside someone it tears those walls down better than anything I know.” Zenyatta might have helped him come to terms with his dual nature, but it had been Overwatch and the chance to fight alongside people who didn’t treat him as anything less than human that had allowed him to truly open up, and he wanted the same thing for his brother.

“Some walls shouldn’t be torn down.” Hanzo had turned to face him now, which was both a relief as it meant his anger was subsiding but worrying because it allowed Genji to get a good look at the conflicted emotions flickering across his brother’s face.

“Are you really that upset about it?” He asked softly, wondering for the first time if there was something more than simple stubbornness behind his brother’s anger at the arrangement and he hesitated for a moment before tilting his head towards the scoreboard.  “You’ve been training with him; you know how skilled he is.”

“That is not the problem.”

“Then what is it?” Genji demanded, scowling when his brother’s lips thinned before Hanzo glanced away, and he moved forward again. Surprised, but relieved when the archer made no effort to back away from his approach, allowing him to reach out and grasp his brother’s wrist. “Hanzo…brother, please I just want to help.”

“Then you should not have interfered,” Hanzo retorted harshly, and they both flinched at his tone, Genji dropping his wrist as though burned and this time it was his brother who reached out, his expression twisted with guilt as he grabbed him.  “I apologize, that was uncalled for.” Genji blinked at the apology and the fact that Hanzo had willingly reached for him, and he felt his irritation fading away especially as he realised that his brother appeared to be thinking, looking as though he was trying to work out what he wanted to say.  “I…” Hanzo began before faltering, dark eyes pained as he glanced down at where he was holding onto Genji, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I have fought alone for a long time, and while I want to learn to fight as part of this team…I…”

“You’re afraid?”

“I am worried that I will not be an efficient member of the team,” Hanzo replied, instinctively bristling at Genji’s choice of words and Genji rolled his eyes. Even now his brother was trying to cling to his pride, and he was about to tease him for that, feeling as though he needed to do something to ease the tension that had seeped into archer’s shoulders when Hanzo continued. “I do not want McCree to see that…” Genji’s eyes narrowed at that, turning the words over and over in his mind for a moment before he sighed as understanding dawned. It wasn’t just that he was concerned about being able to fight as part of a team, he was worried that he wouldn’t be able to protect them, or rather that he wouldn’t be able to protect McCree. Part of him was tempted to point out that the gunslinger had probably survived more firefights that the rest of them, but he knew that wouldn’t help because Hanzo had always been the same, automatically taking responsibility for whoever, he was fighting with, and always willing to go far too far to ensure their safety.

_“Genji” The fact that his brother’s voice was raised was enough to tell Genji that something was wrong, even before he realised that it was fear that he heard in Hanzo’s voice. And as he turned towards the sound he realised why. In his excitement at finally being sent on a job with his brother, at finally being allowed to do something other than training he had allowed himself to get carried away and now he was separated from the rest of the Shimada forces with half a dozen guns aimed at him._ _The realisation of how much danger he was in froze him for a moment, his grip on his sword faltering as everything he’d been taught fled his mind - he was going to die…he was going to die. The retort of the guns barely registering through his panic as he squeezed his eyes shut._

_He was going to die._

_It had taken him far longer than it should have to realise that he wasn’t dead, and that aside from a sharp pain his shoulder where one of the bullets had grazed him he wasn’t even hurt. It took him even longer to realise that the gunmen were down, and that his brother standing in their midst, breathing heavily, knuckles turning white from where he was clutching his sword. Yet when he turned to look at Genji, his expression was calm…reassuring, his voice back to its usual calm as he asked. “Are you hurt?”_

_“One of the bullets winged me, but I’m fine,” Genji whispered when he finally managed to get his voice to work, trembling from the near miss. Hanzo smiled weakly at his response, sharp eyes shifting to his arm for a moment to assess the wound for himself, relief clear in his expression when he realised Genji’s assessment was correct._

_“Good…” The whispered reply had barely left his lips before Hanzo was falling, his sword clattering to the ground beside him and Genji dashed to his side, his previous terror returning tenfold. Yet it was only when he gingerly lifted his brother into his arms that he realised the lengths Hanzo had gone to protect him…the crimson soaking into his clothes speaking louder than words._

_“Hanzo…Hanzo?!”_

    Genji bit his lip, it had been a long time since he had thought about that fight and even now it left a foul taste in his mouth. He had managed to haul his brother out of there, but it had nearly been too late, one of the bullets having caused significant internal bleeding and for nearly a week he had refused to leave his brother’s side, waiting for him to slip away. Even as he silently vowed to do better, to become capable of protecting both of them and praying that Hanzo would live to see it. His prayer had been granted, but it had taken him a lot longer than it should have to keep his promise and more than once his brother had been shielded him again, seemingly uncaring of his own safety. It wasn’t difficult to see Hanzo extending that same level of protectiveness to someone like McCree, and for a moment he was half tempted to suggest that they speak to Winston to change the roster for the mission - but then nothing would change, and Hanzo’s longing would go unanswered.

“It’s not just your duty to get everyone home,” he settled for saying, reinforcing his resolve as he lifted his head so that he was facing Hanzo head-on, determined to make sure that the stubborn man heard his words.  “Everyone here feels the same, they will understand, and they will be fighting just as hard to make sure that it happens. Unless you are worried that McCree will be too much of a distraction?” The last bit was a deliberate taunt as he caught a slight waver in his brother’s expression, and he was unsurprised with the scowl that met his words.

“Of course not.”

“Then just focus on the mission, and everything will be fine,” Genji pointed out calmly. However, inside he was jumping with triumph because he knew that there was no way his brother would be able to take back those words and sure enough Hanzo’s shoulders slumped a moment later, and he released his hold on Genji’s wrist, his gaze fixated on the floor.

“Fine…”

**

    McCree was relieved and more than a little surprised to see Hanzo already at the meeting point, the archer’s expression back to its normal calm mask as he studied the ship that was being readied for departure, his bow and a small bag at his feet. The gunslinger had been half expecting Hanzo to refuse to go on the mission after his reaction earlier, and he hesitated for a moment before venturing across to the man that he had been starting to think of as a best friend, wary of making things worse. However, Hanzo had turned to meet him, and McCree could see the way his eyes softened, the faint quirk to his lips that was the closest the older man would allow himself to a smile in this kind of situation, and he faltered, not sure what to make of the change in demeanour.

“Is everything okay?” He asked cautiously, closing the last of the distance between them and allowing himself to lean against the wall, although he was careful not to press to close to the archer.

“Yes,” Hanzo replied unhelpfully, but before McCree could ask for a better explanation, he had continued in a soft voice. “I apologise for earlier, my reaction to this mission was not because of you.”

“Then…”

“I am not used to being part of a team, and I was having a slight disagreement with my brother,” Hanzo cut across the question, not willing to go into the real reason behind his reaction earlier, tilting his head towards Genji who had just entered the loading bay with Lucio and Mei on his tail. “I should not have taken it out on you.”

    McCree could tell that there was more to it than that, although he had a feeling that there was an element of truth in the answer he had been given and part of him was tempted to demand a proper answer as he remembered Hanzo’s behaviour at the briefing. In fact, he had spent most of his preparation time trying to work out what the hell he could have done, especially with Genji’s exasperated insult still echoing in his ears. And while he was relieved that Hanzo hadn’t named him as a reason for his behaviour, he couldn’t help but want to know if he had done something, if only so that he could try and avoid doing it in the future. However, he could see that the ship was nearly ready to leave, and he didn’t want to spend the ride with an irritated archer, and so he sighed, tipping his hat at Hanzo as he realised that the other man was watching him closely for a response.

“Apology accepted.” The relieved half-smile that met his reply helped ease the lingering concern, and his grin was genuine as he tilted his head towards the ship. “Looks like the others are ready to go, we’d better hurry otherwise we’re going to be walking.” The quiet chuckle that met his words startled him, freezing him in place as he stared wide-eyed at the archer for a moment. And it was only when Hanzo was halfway to the ship that he realised Hanzo had left him behind and muttering a curse he dashed after him, unable to keep his eyes off Hanzo as the archer led the way onboard. Trying to fathom out which side of Hanzo was real and hoping that the mission would give him a chance to find out.

****

    Somehow McCree doubted that they were going to find out anything on this mission, whether about his teammates or Talon as it was clear that Winston’s intel had been severely lacking. Not surprising with their depleted resources, and certainly not helped by the fact that Overwatch wasn’t even meant to exist anymore. The base they had flown into was supposed to have been largely abandoned, maintained by only a skeletal force until Talon was able to finish retrieving all date and equipment from the base. It was supposed to have been a relatively easy access point to their database, a way to get information that Overwatch desperately needed. It wasn’t going to happen…

   They had been expecting a welcoming party as there was no way to approach the base stealthily unless they were willing and able to scale nearly vertical cliff-faces, McCree could still remember Winston’s shocked expression when Hanzo had pointed out that he could do just that…but what they hadn’t been expecting was the sheer size of the welcoming committee or the fact that the first attack had ripped a hole in the side of their ride home and forced the team to scatter in all directions.

 _“It might be a tricky mission he says…”_ Genji’s sarcastic comment over the communicators had McCree grinning even as he dives for cover behind a small outbuilding, a flash of blue out of the corner of his eye-catching his attention and he turns just in time to see Hanzo easily scaling one of the larger buildings bow already in hand.

“Hanzo do you see any other way for us to get out of here?” McCree demands as he takes aim at the soldiers that had decided to follow him around the side of the building, easily taking them down although he is forced to roll aside in the midst of reloading. As apparently, they’ve decided that sheer numbers are the best way to deal with the invading force and he found himself emptying the clip the moment it was full. “Hanzo?!” He can see that Hanzo is trying to scan the area in between firing down into the area where McCree can see ice walls popping up and crumbling at great speeds, and he grimaces. This whole thing is a mess, and he feels bad for asking more of the archer, but right now he is the only one with the vantage point to find them a way out.

 _“There is what appears to be a hanger on the far side, but it’s heavily guarded,”_ to most people the archer would have sounded as calm as he was in practice, but McCree had become more adept at hearing the subtle changes in his voice…Hanzo was worried…which didn’t help McCree’s nerves as he cursed at the news, making a note to have a word with Winston about his estimates of how accurate their intelligence is.

 _“I’ll take a look,”_ Genji calls, and McCree can just make out the ninja in the distance before he disappears between two buildings, a dozen soldiers on his tail until Lucio intercepts them, the beat of his music a welcome sound over the noise of battle and McCree breathes easier…they’re all still in one peace…for now, and that means they still have a chance. Of course, that is when it all nearly goes to hell. The sound of Mei crying out distracting him for a moment and he’s up and out of his hiding place before he’s even thought about what he’s doing, realising his mistake a moment later when he realises that’s he’s just popped up right in the middle of a group of Talon operatives. All of them reacting faster than him, and he curses as he takes in the guns pointing at him and the fact that he doesn’t have enough bullets or time to take them out first and he is just bracing himself for the pain to come when Hanzo’s voice erupts in his ear.

 _“Get down!”_ Weeks of training together and their growing friendship means that McCree obeys automatically, dropping to his feet just as the air around him fills with static, an overwhelming pressure bearing down on him as he hears the Talon operatives crying out. He recognises the feeling from fighting with Genji and part of him wants to look up as he hasn’t had a chance to see Hanzo’s dragons yet, but the pressure is too close. Besides doesn’t fancy losing his head to friendly fire and so he waits until he feels it begins to dissipate before cautiously lifting his head. The area around him is filled with the slumped figures of his would-be opponents, and he lets out a low whistle as he pushes himself to his feet, relieved that Hanzo is on his side.

“Thanks, partner,” he murmurs glancing up at the archer, shaking his head as he realises Hanzo hasn’t faltered, another arrow leaving his bow as McCree watches. _He really is something else…_ Checking his weapon, he’s about to move on when he remembers what distracted him in the first place, pausing as he realises that he can no longer see any trace of her ice and he can’t keep the urgency out of his voice. “Is Mei all right?”

 _“Mei is fine just a minor injury,”_ Hanzo replies at once, Mei chiming in a moment later to confirm it and although he can hear the pain in her voice, he trusts their assessment, for now, only to find himself completely derailed by the archer’s next words. _“Be more careful Cowman.”_

For a brief moment, the battle fades away, and McCree is back in Hanamura…

_“Why Cowman?” McCree asks lazily, not opposed to the nickname in the slightest but curious, after all, he has heard the other man call him a cowboy before so he knows that it’s not a language issue. However, as he spots the blush creeping into his lover’s cheeks, he finds himself suddenly much more interested in the answer, rolling over so that his head is resting in his partner’s lap and letting him see every flicker of emotion on the red face. “Darling?”_

_“It was a mistake…to start with,” his partner admits sheepishly.  “I meant to say, Cowboy…” McCree can’t help but chuckle at that, and he can see the way his lover relaxes at the sound, and he reaches out to grasp his hand._

_“And now?” McCree is even more curious now, all traces of laziness disappearing as he studies the other man intently. “You said that it was a mistake to start with…”_

_“It feels wrong to refer to the man who has shown me so much as a boy…” The samurai is even redder now, and McCree has the feeling that’s not the only reason behind the nickname, but he doesn’t mind the half-answer…it’s enough to know that the nickname means something to the other man, and he lets his eyes close with a smile._

_“Cowman it is then…”_

    The sounds of the battle and an explosion in the distance drag McCree rudely back to the present, and he instinctively brings his gun up just in time to take out a soldier that makes the mistake of running into his line of sight. However, his mind still isn’t on the fight, and his voice when he finally gets it to work is rough with emotion.

“What did you just call me?”

 

 


	5. Chapter 5

_“What did you just call me?”_

    Hanzo froze at the rough words, letting his arrow relax against the string as he stared down at the gunslinger. McCree downed one soldier and was already aiming at another, but it was clear that his attention was on the archer. Frowning, he cast his mind back over their previous conversation, and it took him barely a moment to realise exactly what he’d said, heat rushing to his face, even as there was a sinking feeling in his stomach. _I messed up._ He was glad that McCree wasn’t close enough to see the colour in his cheeks, or how his fingers trembled as his hand tightened on the bow as he frantically tried to cast around for what to say. He didn’t even know why it had slipped out right then. Yes, he had been concerned for McCree when he saw that the fool had run straight into danger after Mei had screamed.

 _Frightened for the man,_ a small voice piped up at the back of his mind, and he grimaced, cursing at his inability to lie to himself even in the privacy of his own mind. However, he couldn’t deny it, but that change the fact that it had been a foolish error and his stomach churned unpleasantly, especially when McCree repeated his question in a sharper tone, apparently not in the mood to be patient.

_“Hanzo? What did you call me?”_

“I-I…” He began only to trail off, voice catching. While he had been waiting and hoping that something would remind McCree of what they’d had in the past, he’d never intended for it be something like this, and he found himself floundering. McCree clearly recognised the old nickname, but it sounded as though he wasn’t quite ready to accept what his ears were hearing, and Hanzo didn’t have the words to explain it. Not yet at least, and not when he was still reeling from his mistake.

_"Hanzo?!"_

_“I’ve reached the hangar,”_ Genji broke into the tense conversation, sounding just as a business-like as he always was on missions, but neither of them was fooled as it dawned on them that they had still been on the open channel and that everyone had just heard what they’d been saying. It didn’t take much to realise that Genji had interjected right then to try and head off any further argument, and McCree was half-tempted to growl at him, especially as his earlier comments and the way he had been acting for the last week began to make sense. However, Genji had continued before he had a chance to give in to the temptation, and despite himself, McCree found himself listening even as he shot down a third assailant. _“There is a cargo plane and two helicopters inside, but I can’t get close enough to see if they’re ready for take-off.”_

 _“What’s the security like_?” McCree forced him to ask, knowing that they needed to focus on the problem at hand as it looked as though it was going to be there only way out of this mess. However, his eyes narrowed as he heard what sounded suspiciously like a sigh of relief from Hanzo, and he was tempted to point out that there was no way in hell he was going to drop or forget about the topic.

 _“Heavy,”_ Genji replied, and the gunslinger was positive that the other man was timing his answers deliberately to stop him from being able to pursue the matter. He was going to have strong words with him later, but for now, he had to admit that it was an effective distraction, because heavy security was the last thing they needed to deal with right now. Apparently, his day was determined to get worse because he heard Genji cursing up a storm over the communicator, a rare sound in and of itself, and it was followed by sudden movement and then Genji’s voice, little more than a whisper this time. _“But, I think they’re up to something.”_

 _“What do you mean, up to something?”_ McCree demanded. The answer to his question came not from Genji has he had expected, but from the deafening boom and the sight of several warehouses on the other side of the base going up in flames and he cursed violently under his breath. _“Shit!”_

“They’re blowing the base,” Hanzo confirmed a split second before a second round of explosions wracked the base, the shockwave reaching them this time and McCree felt his heart stop for a minute as the archer staggered worryingly close to the edge. At the last minute, Hanzo managed to catch himself before he toppled over the edge, and McCree huffed out a soft sigh of relief which faded as another explosion rattled the buildings around them. They were running out of time and places to hide, and it wouldn’t be long before the explosions reached them.

 _“But their own men are still here,”_ Mei protested weakly, sounding horrified at the mere idea of it and McCree fought the urge to snort. Talon was much like the Deadlock Gang in that respect, they wouldn’t hesitate to cut off deadweight if it meant protecting their main goals, and their soldiers, at the least ones on bases like this were considered dead weight. _“Surely they’re not going to abandon them…?”_

 _“Afraid so darling,”_ McCree replied grimly, realising that no one else was going to answer her, the silence over the communicators telling in its own way. “ _Talon isn’t known for caring for its own, and we’ve caused them a lot of trouble. Seems like an easy win for me.”_

“We need to get out of here,” Hanzo interjected quietly, wincing slightly at the harsh words, and from his vantage point, he could see the way that Mei had huddled down beneath the shelter of her ice at McCree’s reply. It didn’t help that he couldn’t dispute the gunslinger’s words. After all, that had been one of the first lessons that had been drilled into him and Genji when they were being trained to take over the Shimada family - mercy was a weakness, not a strength. It was one of the many reasons why he was so determined to protect his team now, determined to prove those teachings wrong and his grip tightened on his bow as he saw the flames spreading to another building, closing in on their position. If they didn’t move soon, they weren’t going to be able to. “Now…”

 _“Genji, send us your location,”_ McCree ordered, relieved when the communicator beeped a moment later, the signal showing up clearly. At least one thing seemed to be going right at last, and his voice was calmer as he added sternly. _“We’ll regroup with you and then we’re going to have to take a chance that one of those birds is fuelled and ready to go."_

_“Understood.”_

_“Hanzo, we’re going to talk about all this later,”_ McCree added, wanting to make sure that the archer knew that he wasn’t going to forget their earlier conversation and he was half expecting not to get a response.

 _“Understood.”_ He couldn’t understand how the man could sound so calm about it when moments ago he had been stumbling over his words, struggling to reply and part of him wanted to push there and then for an answer. Resisting the temptation, he checked his communicator for the location of the hangar and set off at a run, unable to stop himself from glancing over his shoulder to check that Hanzo was also on the move. Relieved to see the familiar figure taking off along the rooftops and he switched his focus back to the path ahead, aware that the soldiers would still be looking for them even if they were bringing the base down around them.

_Please, let us all get home safe._

**

   Genji sighed with relief when he heard McCree ordering the others to group up, he had tuned into the communication channel just in time to listen to his brother drop himself in it in a rather spectacular fashion, and at any other time, he would have been the first to tease him about it. But he had heard the concern in his brother’s voice and knew that the slip had been prompted by alarm rather than anything else, flashing back to their conversation in the practice range and grimacing. Back then he had told Hanzo that they were all responsible for getting the team home, but it sounded like Hanzo was staying true to form. Hearing McCree’s response had made him hesitate for a moment, as it seemed almost as though the gunslinger had finally remembered something or that he was at least starting to put two and two together. However, when he’d heard Hanzo’s hesitant answer, the tension underlying the words telling him how close to the edge his brother was, he’d felt compelled to intercede, besides the middle of a battle wasn’t any place for them both to be having that conversation.

   Checking that everyone was on the move and that his presence was still undetected below, he switched to a private channel, surprised when Hanzo answered quickly although the older man didn’t say anything.

“Hanzo?”

 _“I did not mean to say that…”_ The archer had obviously realised that he’d heard more of the conversation than he’d let on, and Genji sighed, almost wanting to chuckle at that statement. He could have worked that one out for himself, but he had a feeling that his brother wouldn’t handle laughter well at the moment.

“But, at least it looks as though he might remember something,” he pointed out instead, taking a half step back further into the shadows as he detected movement around the hangar doors, slipping a shuriken into his hand in readiness. He had no intention of charging in unless absolutely necessary, but he couldn’t let the Talon forces make off with all the vehicles otherwise their entire team would be in danger, and his eyes narrowed, watching for the slightest hint that they were opening the hangar even as he added softly. “Surely that is a good thing?”

 _“I don’t know. ”_ Genji could probably count on one hand the number of times he had heard his brother sound that uncertain, it was almost painful to hear, and he was torn between wanting to kick McCree’s ass for making Hanzo like that and pushing his friend to fix it. _“I…”_ Hanzo’s voice cut off abruptly, and Genji tensed as he heard gunfire through the communicator and the distinctive sound of his brother’s bow and what sounded like a poorly muffled grunt of pain.

“Hanzo?!”

 _“We will talk about this later_ ,” Hanzo sounded more like his normal self now, battle focusing him better than anything else could, although Genji could still hear the strain in his voice _. “I’ll see you at the hangar,”_ he added, hanging up before Genji could say anything else and he growled under his breath, sure that his brother had been injured now. The idiot had always had the tendency of adopting radio silence when hurt, and his grip tightened on his shuriken as he fought the urge to contact McCree and ask him to watch out for his brother. He’d already pushed his luck today, and he didn’t want to do anything to risk the tentative progress that he was hoping today had made, but that didn’t help the dread curling in the pit of his stomach.

_Stay safe, brother…_

**

   McCree hissed as he felt a bullet graze his cheek, pushing the pain aside as he immediately downed his attacker before lifting a hand to swipe at the blood that he could feel trickling down his cheek. If they got out of here with only minor injuries, it was going to be a miracle. Apparently, Talon had anticipated that they would be making for the hangar, and he was tempted to have a word with Genji about his definition of ‘heavy security’ because right now it felt more like it was impenetrable. A flash of green at his back had him turning, the refreshing feel of Lucio’s music washing over him and he flashed the Brazilian a grateful grin as he felt the pain diminish slightly. The only good thing was that he had managed to regroup with Mei and Lucio. Although he had been less than impressed to realise that her minor injury was a little more severe than she and Hanzo had been letting on, although certainly not enough to put her out of the fight and he whistled appreciatively when she froze a group of soldiers that had been trying to circle around behind them.

 _“I’ve got the doors,”_ Genji’s voice burst through the communicator, making him jump slightly, and he cursed as he missed his headshot, leaving Mei to finish off his target. However, he didn’t have long to worry about that because sure enough the doors were opening and now he could glimpse the younger Shimada darting around inside, his blade a flash of silver and he shook his head at the sight. Genji’s fighting style, so different from his own never ceased to awe him, even after all the time spent fighting at his side. _“Hurry…”_

“I think you might need to clear a path for us,” McCree admitted as he downed another soldier, rolling to the side to avoid a retaliatory volley as he reloaded. Even with the three of them working together the Talon numbers were too much, and Mei was starting to slow down, although he was pleased to see that Lucio had noticed that fact as well and was staying close to her side, gold light pulsating around the pair of them.

“I…”

 _“I will clear a path,”_ Hanzo cut into the conversation, and McCree found himself glancing around to try and spot the archer, a knot of worry that he had been trying to ignore loosening in his chest at the sound of his voice. _“Get to the plane, and in the air, you can pick me up on the way out.”_ The worry returned tenfold at that, and from the sharp intake of breath from Genji, he wasn’t keen on that idea either. Understandable considering another explosion had just rocked the base, and McCree’s eyes narrowed at the expressions on his opponent’s faces. They were getting desperate, which meant that they were going to get more dangerous and there was no guarantee that they would be able to pick up the archer without taking heavy fire.

“But…”

 _“I’m too far away,”_ Hanzo cut across his protest, sounding completely calm and McCree wanted nothing more than to pick him up and shake him at that moment. He had always known that the archer had little regard for his life, it was hard to miss, but it was a completely different thing to be witnessing it in the middle of battle. Especially with their earlier conversation still ringing in his ears, memories stirring just beneath the surface, and the fact that he still hadn’t got any answers. _“If you wait for me then you’re going to put everyone at risk.”_

“Hanzo…”

“Brother…”

 _“I’ll be fine,”_ Hanzo sounded so confident that McCree wanted to believe him, not sure whether the performance was more for him or Genji. “ _Get ready to move, and stay away from the main group of soldiers….”_ The communicator went silent again just as the warning registered, and McCree hastily flung himself to the side, relieved to see that Lucio who had spent a lot of time partnered with Genji had also moved at once, dragging Mei out of the way just as the air filled with the same pressure as earlier. This time he was in a position to watch, eyes wide as he took in the twin dragons tearing their way through the Talon operatives, the air filling with their cries and he knew that he should be worried about that kind of power. Yet at that moment, all he could think about was the jade dragon sat on his table back in his quarters in Gibraltar… _the Shimada Dragon_ …the realisation slammed into him, his stomach twisting and for a half a second he was ready to bolt out of there to find the archer, regardless of what Hanzo had said about them getting the hell out of there.

“McCree!” Genji’s voice put paid to that idea, and he turned, realising that Hanzo had kept his word and cleared a path straight through to the hangar. Cursing he waved for Lucio and Mei to head inside, hesitating for just a moment as he glanced back, scanning the rooftops for some sign of the archer but the smoke filling the air made it impossible to see. He refused to believe that there was any other reason why Hanzo might not be visible, and with a growl he turned and followed them, showing no mercy as he took out any soldiers that made the mistake of stirring in his line of sight.

    Inside the hangar they found that Genji had already commandeered the plane, the ground surrounding it littered by still and groaning figures and McCree quickly herded the other two on board, breathing a sigh of relief as he followed. Getting out of here was now within reach, and he hastily moved through to the cockpit where Genji had commandeered the co-pilots seat, his mask raised so that he could see the displays clearly.

“Is it fuelled?”

“Yes,” Genji murmured, sounding completely composed as his hands danced over the controls, but McCree could see the way the tension in his shoulders and he knew that Hanzo must be weighing on his mind. The archer was certainly weighing on his own mind. “Although whether it can handle the flight back to base…”

“As long as it can get us a safe distance away I’ll be happy,” McCree muttered, before turning around and calling towards the hold. “Lucio…” The Brazilian must have been waiting for him to shout because he appeared almost at once, no sign of his usual happy go lucky expression as he took in the cockpit for a minute before focusing on McCree. “We need to get out of here.”

“I’m on it.” McCree moved out of the way to let Lucio reach the controls, he could pilot a plane, but he preferred to stick with a craft that he was familiar with and with Hanzo on his mind he didn’t trust himself to be focused enough to get them out of there. Lucio was already in the pilot’s seat, reaching confidently for the controls and trusting the pair to take care of things he moved through to the back to find Mei sat at the far side, the plane’s first aid kit open at her feet as she calmly wrapped a bandage around her arm.

“Mei are you all right?”

“I’m fine,” she reassured him, her smile so at odds with the blood and grime staining her clothes and face was reassuring, and he managed a weak grin in return, until her next words. “We need to get Hanzo.”

“I know…”

_Hanzo…_

**

   Thankfully Lucio and Genji had them in the air in a matter of minutes, although Mei had been the one to save the day, an ice wall shielding them from a last desperate group of Talon operatives who had tried to storm the plane. It was a rickety old plane, and McCree was now just praying that it would even manage to get them out of the base. But he had no time to worry about that as he was stood inside the open hold door, peering through the clouds of smoke as he clung to the straps, searching for some sign of Hanzo on the rooftops. He nearly leapt out of his skin when Genji appeared beside him, about to ask whether it was okay to leave Lucio on his own, but biting back the words as he saw the open concern his friend’s face.

“Can you see him?”

“Not yet,” McCree admitted heavily, turning his attention back to the rooftops beneath them and he was about to shout to Lucio to move towards the other side of the base when he finally spotted movement. “Wait… There, he’s there!” He shouted, his stomach twisting unpleasantly as he realised that Hanzo was stumbling and weaving as he moved out into the open, nothing like his usual graceful movements and from the small distressed noise from beside him, he knew that he wasn’t alone in his concern. “Lucio!”

“I see him!”

    It was going to be close, the plane wasn’t anywhere near as manoeuvrable as their own craft had been and Hanzo was on one of the lower rooftops, but it was evident that there was no way he was going to be able to make it to one of the higher rooftops.

“Hanzo, you’re going to have to jump,” McCree barked into communicator as Lucio skilfully guided them lower, realising that there was no way they were going to be able to remain level for long as another explosion in a neighbouring building rattled the plane, wincing as he felt the heat in the air around them. He tried to ignore the small voice that was telling him that the archer was in no state to make it, feeling bad for even asking it of him, especially as he had saved their necks back at the hangar, but before he could give in to the temptation to apologise Hanzo had replied.

 _“Understood_ ,” he sounded exhausted and in pain, and McCree and Genji exchanged anxious glances, but there was nothing more they could do as Lucio brought them around and began his approach.

    McCree had known that it was a bad idea from the start, the feeling growing by the moment as he saw Hanzo trying to gather himself, clearly struggling just to straighten and he was about to shout for him to stop…to say that they would find a different way, although he had no idea how… when the archer moved. McCree’s heart leaping into his throat as Hanzo stumbled for a second and then he was lunging towards them, and the gunslinger forgot to breathe as it looked as though he wasn’t going to make it. At first, the impact didn’t register, and it was only the sharp cry of pain, that alerted him to the fact that Hanzo had proven him wrong, he had made it…just…but there was no time to rejoice as Hanzo had only a weak grip on the plane, a weak grip that was already slipping, his face paling as he began to slide backwards.

“HANZO!” It took a moment for McCree to realise that he wasn’t the only one who had shouted, but he was the first to move, launching himself at the open door and managing to grab the archer’s arm just as Hanzo’s grip faltered. He latched on desperately, feeling himself beginning to slip even as Lucio began to bank the plane to make it easier to get them back into the hold. Hanzo met his gaze for a moment, fear showing through the calm and he tried for a reassuring grin. However, with the base blazing away beneath them and the fact that he could now see the blood soaking one side of Hanzo’s clothes it came out as more a grimace, and he made no effort to hide his urgency as he shouted. “Pull us in!” There were hands on him then, pulling him back into the plane and he sighed with relief when he felt himself firmly back on the floor. His grip never faltering on the archer even as Genji moved forward to help haul his brother inside, the three of them toppling back as Lucio levelled the plane and it was Mei who darted forward to close the door.

   For a moment, they just lay there, stunned by the near miss and exhausted from the mission. However, a pained noise from the archer had McCree and Genji back on their feet, alarm lending them fresh strength as they realised that Hanzo had made no effort to rise and that his eyes had closed at some point although he still seemed to be conscious.

“Hanzo,” Genji was the first to recover, immediately moving to crouch down beside his brother, face twisted with concern as he laid a hand on Hanzo’s shoulder and shook him gently. Drawing a groan from the injured man and by the time McCree had reached them Hanzo had managed to open his eyes, although his gaze was somewhat unfocused as he glanced between them. Genji was already moving to pull aside the gi to get a look at what they were dealing with, so McCree focused on the archer, hesitating for a moment before reaching out to grasp his hand, not liking how weak the returning grip was.

“Hey there partner,” he greeted softly, and he was rewarded by a flicker of proper awareness in the dark eyes as Hanzo turned towards him.

“Cowman…”

   There was no way McCree was getting into that issue now, but there was a fluttery feeling in his chest, and he closed his eyes for a moment, too many memories close to the surface now. He was drawn back to the present a moment later when he heard Genji cursing softly, and he opened his eyes, about to him for his language, but the words died on his lips as he realised what had triggered the cursing. Hanzo’s eyes had slipped shut again during his moment of distraction, but what had his attention was the two gunshot wounds that had previously been hidden by his clothes, and suddenly the archer’s stillness was even more terrifying than it had been a second before and McCree couldn’t even muster the pretence of calm as he asked.

“Is he…?”

“He’s alive,” Genji replied tersely, before abruptly rising to his feet. “I’ll swap with Lucio.”

“Genji…” McCree knew that he should be the one to go, the use of that nickname didn’t change the fact that Genji was his brother, or that here and now he and Hanzo were nothing more than friends, although he found himself reaching for the archer despite his own thoughts. “I…”

“Stay with him,” Genji cut across him, already heading for the cockpit, but he paused, hesitating as he glanced across at Mei who was hovering anxiously off to the side before focusing on the gunslinger. He could see it in the way that the Cowboy was looking at his brother, something had changed. Although whether he remembered everything or just suspected he wasn’t sure, but he had to say something, his voice somewhat hesitant as he knew that Hanzo wouldn’t want him to interfere even now, but he couldn’t stay silent. Not now. “Jesse, he had his reasons for not telling you, but…” He paused again, waiting for McCree to meet his gaze before adding softly. “He still wants you at his side.” Without another word, he disappeared into the cockpit, leaving a tense silence in his wake.

    McCree was vaguely aware of Mei shifting uneasily in the periphery of his vision, but his gaze was fixated on the archer, his thoughts a scrambled mess even as moved to put pressure on the wounds. If he’d had any doubts left, then Genji had just sliced through them, and he had no idea where that left him…left them…if there even was a them anymore, that summer was years ago, and despite Genji’s words, the fact remained that Hanzo had chosen not to say anything.

_Hanzo, were you ever going to say anything?_

 


	6. Chapter 6

   McCree sighed as he leant against the wall in the shower, letting the hot stream of water wash over him, slowly removing the battle grime covering his skin. He tried to ignore the reddish tinge that marred the water, as it drained away at his feet. _Hanzo is safe_ , he reminded himself sternly, closing his eyes so as not to watch the blood washing away, the reassurance weak even in the privacy of his own thoughts. It didn’t help that Hanzo hadn’t stirred at all during the flight back, even with Lucio constantly at his side, doing what he could to help, and McCree shuddered, eyes flying open. This time when he glanced down, he focused on his hands, remembering the feel of Hanzo’s blood as it had soaked through the cloth that he had been pressing against the wounds, bile rising in the back of his throat, and he had to look away again.

_He’s going to be fine._

    At least luck had finally been on their side, in that the rickety plane had somehow managed to get them back to base, although he had a feeling that it would never fly again after the speeds they’d had to push it too. Still, it meant that they had got home, faster than they could have hoped when they’d first fled, and Angela had been there to meet them. Whisking Hanzo away to the infirmary, only the worried furrow between her eyes betraying her calm as she left strict orders for the team to clean up and check in with her late, and a quiet promise that she would contact them as soon as Hanzo was stabilised.

    McCree had wanted to refuse, and he had tried to trail after her, unable to bear the thought of letting the archer out of his sight until he knew that Hanzo was going to be okay. However, it had been Genji who had stopped him, blocking his path and resting a hand on his shoulder with a small shake of his head. Genji had looked exhausted, shoulders hunched and head bowed, and his voice had been strained but sympathetic as he’d pleaded with McCree to let her work in peace. To allow her to save his brother, and there had been nothing that McCree could say to that, and any words he might’ve had were lost when he’d realised that they were both covered in Hanzo’s blood.

    Which was why he was here in the shower, washing the day away, rather than on the other side of the base where he really wanted to be right now. He had to admit that he felt better as the dirt and blood slowly disappeared, but the shower was giving him time to think, and there was far too much buzzing around his head. Fears – because he had been on enough missions gone wrong, to know that even the strongest of people could be snatched away without warning. Questions, the same ones that he still needed to ask Hanzo if…when he got the chance. Memories – the same ones that had been surging to the forefront since Hanzo had let that nickname sleep, and intensified by Genji’s words, his quiet insistence that Hanzo still wanted him by his side.

_Hanzo._

    He almost wanted to laugh at how easily Hanzo had given his name this time. Almost, instead what came out was another shuddering sigh as he turned and rested his head against the tiles, closing his eyes. _How could I not see it? I thought I could never forget about him… And why didn’t he tell me?_ It had been so much easier when he’d had to focus on getting them out of the mess, or when he’d had to concentrate on dealing Hanzo’s injury while praying that they would manage to get him home in time. Now there was nothing to distract him, and everything was bubbling up, the pressure building in his chest and head. He snarled as he suddenly lashed out at the wall, the tiles unforgiving under the onslaught, and pain lanced through his hand, the brief spark of anger vanishing as he stared at his now bloody knuckles with wide eyes as a long forgotten memory stirred.

    _He had escaped out into the gardens, seeking out their private space as soon as he could, his arm carefully strapped up and his face aching and throbbing from the beating he had taken. However, the pain seemed to fade, the orders to rest wholly forgotten at the thought of seeing his lover, and a bright grin had crept across his face as he’d spied the familiar figure waiting for him. However, his smile had dimmed a little when the smaller man had turned to greet him, alarm and fury replacing the happiness in the dark eyes as he’d caught sight of the damage, stalking forward to meet him with no attempt at hiding his emotions for once._

_“You are hurt?”_

_“It’s just a scrape,” McCree was quick to reassure him, although a small part of him was thrilled to see such open concern from the other man, although he turned solemn as he added softly. “Not everyone is so welcoming towards a westerner as you are darling.” It wasn’t the first time he’d realised that fact either. He might not show it, but he had caught the suspicious sideways looks, the way lips would curl when they thought he wasn’t watching. However, it was the first time that it had come to blows, and he shifted uneasily as guilt flickered across his partner’s face._

_“I am sorry.”_

_“Ain’t something you’ve got to apologise for, Sweetheart,” McCree murmured, closing the distance between them and reaching out with his good hand to pull the other man closer, his grin reappearing on his face as he added hopefully. “But I reckon a kiss will help me feel better.”_

His partner… _Hanzo._ Hell, that was going to take some getting used to, McCree thought with a sigh as he glanced down at his hand, watching the droplets of blood as they streaked off the side and down into the drain below. _Hanzo…Hanzo had given into his plea back then, anger was momentarily forgotten as he’d shyly kissed each wounded part of his hand, but the guilt and anger had never truly faded, and he’d caught glimpses of it for the rest of that day and beyond._ Now that he thought back on it, he realised that he had never seen those responsible for the beating again after that day, and a bitter chuckle rose as realised what must have happened. _So that was the power of a Shimada._ The laugh became a groan, as finally, after all this time he understood why Hanzo had been so reluctant to give his name back then.

   It hadn’t been shyness, or stubbornness, although he was sure, those had played a part in the decision, but rather protection. Hanzo had been trying to protect himself – from his family, from what someone might demand of him if they learnt about McCree…what another lover might have required from him if he discovered who he really was. _No._ If he was honest, while that might have been part of it, he knew that the other man had been trying to protect him, because there had been longing in his eyes at the thought of sharing of his name, of being open with McCree…and regret, and that he could understand. After all, it hadn’t taken him long to realise that the Shimada Clan was like nothing he had ever experienced before, and he had to admit that he had underestimated just how far they were willing to go to protect the family name. Although what had happened to Genji had soon put paid to that.

    So, he could understand and forgive Hanzo for the secrecy back then. However, it didn’t explain why he had stayed silent now, because the Shimada Clan – what remained of it, was nothing but remnants, certainly nothing that could threaten them now. And the only one who had any power over Hanzo now was his brother, and somehow he couldn’t see Genji objecting to their relationship – hell, if his recent actions and words were anything to go by, he was encouraging it. _So, why? Why not tell me? Why not see it…_ He cut off that last thought before it could form fully, not even sure what he was going to ask, or how to feel about the strange bubble of hope that had risen alongside it. Grumbling under his breath he reached out and turned off the shower as he realised that he wasn’t going to get anywhere by standing here chasing his swirling thoughts.

     Besides, there had been no word from Angela, and he was keen to get to the infirmary and find out what was going on and to get his hand wrapped. He glanced at the injured knuckles again, only this time it wasn’t his own blood that he saw, but the archer’s and his movements were jerky as he reached for the towel.

_He’s fine._

   He had never been one for wasting time getting ready, something that Gab…his superiors had complained about on the rare occasion he had been expected at a function. However, today he made it back to his quarters and got changed into casual clothes in record time, urgency lending him speed as he clumsily dealt with his bloody knuckles as well _. Hanzo_. He was about to head out of the door again, praying that Angela would have some news for them when he hesitated and turned around. His eyes darting to the dragon and origami on the bedside table and after a brief hesitation he turned back and carefully picked up the former, weighing it in his hand for a moment before slipping it away in his pocket. It was heavy, bunching the material but the weight was comforting, and it was proof of the past…proof that he hadn’t completely forgotten that time with Hanzo and his fingers lingered against it as he headed for the door once more.

_I want. No, I need answers…_

****

   McCree was unsurprised to find that Genji was already waiting outside the infirmary when he arrived, although it was clear that he had managed to clean up as well, his armour gleaming once more beneath the loose clothing he’d changed into. Zenyatta was there as well, murmuring softly to him and McCree had hesitated for a moment, feeling as though he was intruding, but then the Omnic had patted Genji on the shoulder before floating away with a quick nod of acknowledgement towards him. McCree absently returned the gesture before moving across to join Genji, aware that he sounded a little too desperate as he immediately asked. “Has there been any news?”

“Not yet,” Genji’s voice was quiet but steadier than it had been before as he turned to look at McCree, who blinked when he realised Genji had his faceplate up, affording him a glimpse of scarred skin and worried eyes. Eyes that sharpened as they soon as Genji caught sight of the bandage on his hand. “McCree, your hand?”

“Ah,” McCree hummed sheepishly, rubbing at the back of his head as he contemplated coming up with an excuse, before settling on the truth as he dropped down into the seat beside Genji, knowing that the other man could see through his bullshit better than most. “I had a minor disagreement with a wall in the shower room.”

“It must have committed a grave offence,” Genji’s reply was lightly teasing, but it had none of his usual spirit in it and fell flat in the awkward silence that settled between them. Both of them flicking frequent glances towards the infirmary doors every few seconds. It was a wait that they’d both done more than once, one that never got easier and yet McCree was fairly sure that he had never sat here with such a heavy feeling in his chest before. Not even the time that Reyes had wound up in there after stupidly trying to shield him from an attack that should have never taken him by surprise. He shifted slightly, not needing more memories to make this day even worse, the movement drawing Genji’s attention, and he stilled under the intense gaze, expecting the question that followed and yet still unprepared for it being spoken aloud. “McCree, do you remember the summer that you spent with my brother?”

   McCree could never recall Genji being that blunt with him before, even in the early days when he’d first joined Blackwatch and been less than keen on normal conversation. For a moment he just stared at him with wide eyes as he tried to recover and gather his thoughts, before he glanced away, finding his gaze fixed on the infirmary door once more. _Hanzo…_

“I remember…”

“I am relieved that you remember him.”

“I reckon that summer is engraved in my mind,” McCree murmured with a soft, slightly bitter laugh, and he couldn’t bring himself to look at Genji. Because while he remembered nearly every moment of the time they had spent together, it hadn’t been enough, and his stomach churned unpleasantly as he admitted. “But, I didn’t recognise him…” Now that he knew who Hanzo was, that damned nickname still ringing in his ears, it was easier to see the similarities, and he sighed. _I was blind_ … “Perhaps because I thought that I would never see him again after we parted ways.” _Perhaps, or maybe it’s because we’ve both changed since then._ After all the Hanzo that had come to Overwatch was older, darker, more emotionally closed off than the man who had laughed and smiled under the sakura trees with him in Hanamura.

“Is that what he told you?” Genji demanded sharply, but McCree wasn’t sure whether the sharpness was aimed at him or his brother and eyed the other man warily out of the corner of his eyes as he shrugged lightly.

“He didn’t tell me anything _.” He didn’t even tell me his name_ , McCree fought back the urge to snarl that, knowing that it wouldn’t help anyone, least of all his search for answers. Reminding himself that he could at least understand why Hanzo had remained quiet when it came to that, biting his lip as he tried to find the words to explain their parting all those years ago. “He…” A quiet noise cut him off, and they both whirled to face the infirmary door as it opened to reveal a weary-looking Angela. McCree felt his breath catch as he took in the specks of blood that she hadn’t quite managed to catch, his hands curling in his lap as he remembered the feel of Hanzo’s blood against his fingers, and he couldn’t quite keep his voice steady. “Doc?”

“He will survive,” Angela had learned long ago to give them that answer before saying anything else, as the infirmary doors had needed to be replaced more than once when she had tried to explain things before giving that answer. Reyes and Morrison had probably been responsible for most of the damage, although McCree knew that he was responsible for it a couple of times at least. “It might have been a different story if you hadn’t kept the pressure on the wound, or if you have taken any longer to get home, but…”

“He will be fine?” Genji asked.

“Yes.”

_Hanzo…._

**

   It was nearly half an hour later before they were finally allowed into the infirmary, and McCree had to endure a brief lecture from the healer as she dealt properly with his knuckles after seeing the poor job he’d done of it. However, it was worth it when they rounded the curtain that had been set up to partition off the last bed. Hanzo didn’t look much better than the last time they had seen him, still unnaturally still and pale, but his chest was rising and falling steadily, bandages neatly hiding the wounds from sight and his expression had evened out so that it looked like he was merely sleeping. Something that McCree hadn’t even been aware of eased at the sight of Hanzo resting peacefully, and without thinking he reached for the archer’s nearest hand just as he had back in the plane. Genji had mimicked his actions on the other side of the bed, reaching out to brush dark hair away from the pale face, his eyes pained as he studied Hanzo.

“Brother, ” he whispered softly, hesitating for a moment before continuing. “You protected us… you protected the team.” It sounded almost like Genji was continuing a conversation, and McCree listened with a slight frown, because while the archer had mentioned not being used to being part of a team, but he had said nothing about being worried about protecting them. “There was never any reason for you to worry about that.”

“He worried about that?”

“Yes,” Genji glanced up at him, hesitating for a moment. He hadn’t forgotten his brother’s reaction to his last attempt at meddling, but after Hanzo’s slip in battle and his own words on the plane, there seemed to be little point in trying to hide things from McCree anymore. “But…”

“But?”

“He also worried about disappointing you…”

“Me?” McCree asked incredulously, eyebrows arched as he glanced at the unconscious archer. Sure, they had grown closer since Hanzo had joined Overwatch, a friendly rivalry building up between along with mutual respect for their skills, but to worry about disappointing him? He shook his head, trying to reconcile the proud man he had known back then, who had never tried to explain himself even when apologising for not being able to tell him anything, and the man lying on the bed in front of him. “But… why?”

“He…” Genji hesitated for a moment, his grip tightening around his brother’s hand. _Hanzo, I’m going to push for the future you’re too afraid to grasp yourself_. “He recognised you the moment I introduced you, and since then I don’t think there has been a moment when he hasn’t thought about the past he shared with you. But my brother has changed… “

“That’s true enough. ”

“Jesse,” Genji lifted his head, meeting McCree’s gaze with his own demanding one. “You said that he never told you anything...?”

“He never even gave me a name back then,” McCree grimaced, it still needled him even though he was trying to accept it, and even he now knew that there had been a good reason for it, and his shoulders slumped. “Although looking back now that I know who he is, I reckon I can understand. I can’t see your family being happy if they’d known about us.”

“Unfortunately that is likely correct,” Genji muttered under his breath, shifting uneasily for a minute. He had been punished more than once for his own interest in unsuitable partners, but those had always been flings, little rebellions and the clan had known that. If they had discovered Hanzo’s relationship with McCree, which had clearly been much deeper…he shook his head, not wanting to imagine what fate might have awaited them and instead he shifted his gaze back to McCree. “May I ask how you parted ways?”

   McCree scowled for a moment, even with Hanzo in front of him and the possibility for answers to come, it still hurt to think back to those days. But there was nothing but genuine interest and concern in Genji’s eyes, and Hanzo’s hand was warm in his, and he sighed before digging into his pocket and pulling out the jade dragon, reluctantly passing it across to Genji who accepted it with wide-eyes and a startled intake of breath.

“He gave you this?” Genji asked softly, glancing across at Hanzo before focusing on the jade dragon, fingers gently tracing the features for a moment before he sighed and handed it back to McCree who was staring at him expectantly. “What did he say when he gave it to you?”

“That it was for protection, and to remind me of him,” McCree admitted, unsurprised at the face that Genji pulled at that, and he sighed before glancing down at the archer, gaze lingering for a moment on the slow rise and fall of his chest and his voice had dropped to a whisper as he continued. “Of course I didn’t realise that meant he was going to cut all contact with me a few days later…”

_“I’m going to be leaving soon,” McCree confessed, feeling the other man tensing in his arms and hastily tightening his own before his lover could escape., holding him in place as he tried to explain. As he tried to reassure his lover that it wasn’t his choice, that he didn’t want to leave, trying to keep the desperation and anger out of his voice. “I tried to talk my bosses into leaving me here a little longer, but it was no use.” If he was honest with himself, he had always known that his words were going to fall on deaf ears. After all, his place was back in America, and he was lucky that he had been allowed to stay in Japan as long as he had. Especially after the fight, he’d been caught up in, and yet he’d had to try, and he’d dared to let himself hope. A fool’s hope._

_“I see.”_

_There was a moment of silence - tense and unpleasant, unlike the warm, easy ones that usually fell between them when the shorter man had exhausted his words for the day. And this time when he tried to extricate himself from McCree’s arms, the Cowboy let him go, watching with pained eyes as he rose to his feet and moved a short distance away. “I see…” He repeated, sounding as though he was trying to convince himself that he understood, and failing, and McCree couldn’t just sit there and listen to the broken tone._

_“Darling,” McCree pleaded desperately, rising to his feet and lunging forward to catch the other man’s hands, twining their fingers together, relieved when he met no resistance. “Sweetheart.” Dark eyes glanced at him, narrowed, suspicious, and yet there was something softer in their depths which gave McCree the courage to voice the plea that had been building for weeks. “Come with me.”_

_“What?”_

_“Come back to America with me,” McCree replied, his voice steadier this time because this might be his only chance to convince the other man and he couldn’t blow it. “This…” He gestured between them with his free hand. “I don’t want it to end in this little garden of ours, so come with me.”_

_“I-I…” At any other time, the fact that he had managed to make the dark eyes widen in shock, and leave his lover unable to speak would have left him with a triumphant grin, now though it left him with a strange empty feeling, and he realised that he had been hoping for an instant reply. He had been hoping that this relationship…fling…whatever it was, meant as much to the other man as it meant to him. “I…” The smaller man took a deep breath, calm mask sliding back into place, as he shook his head slightly. “My place is here, there is no way that I would be allowed to leave.”_

_“Why?” McCree demanded, seizing onto the fact that it didn’t sound like his partner was protesting because he wanted to, releasing the other’s hand in favour of turning him around and gripping his shoulders so that he couldn’t escape. “Who has that much power over you?”_

_“I cannot say…”_

_“Can’t?” McCree echoed, pulling back with a scowl although he didn’t let go. He knew that he should have become immune to such answers by now, after all, there was so much his lover refused to tell him, even now. However, for once he couldn’t just brush it aside with an easy grin and teasing words, there was too much at stake, and he allowed a hint of irritation to slip into his voice. “Shouldn’t? Or Won’t?” He knew that his point was hitting home, feeling the flinch that accompanied each question, and part of him wanted to soften his approach, but now that he had started he couldn’t stop the words from flowing. “Why can’t you tell me these things? Why won’t you give me your name?”_

_“I can’t…”_

_There had been such anguish in that refusal, pain that had never been there before and McCree hadn’t known what to say, suddenly afraid to push further because at that moment the other man had looked as though he would shatter at the wrong word. They had parted ways that day without another word, and a small part of the Cowboy had thought that would be the last time he would see him. That he had blown every possible chance, he might ever have had with the other man._

_Then two days later there he was, waiting in the garden for McCree, a distant look in his eyes that had made him feel as though they were miles apart. However, when he had cautiously approached he had been greeted with a soft, albeit strained smile. They hadn’t talked about what had happened, the other man shying away whenever he tried to bring up the topic and in the end, McCree had abandoned his efforts. Instead, they had talked about silly, nonconsequential things, the previous ease that had existed between them nowhere to be seen. Still, in the end, the other man had leaned in and kissed him softly before pressing the jade dragon into his hand, telling him that it was a reminder and for protection, before stealing one more kiss and disappearing…_

“That was the last time I saw him,” McCree finished softly, turning his attention back to Genji who was watching him with a sad expression. “I tried to get hold of him, but I wasn’t allowed in. Hell, I even got into hot water with Reyes, as it was another two weeks before I finally left, ignoring his demands to leave Japan…”

“You asked him to leave with you?” Genji asked softly, and McCree nodded awkwardly. Suddenly aware that if he had succeeded, then everything that had happened between Hanzo and Genji would have changed as well, and his shoulders slumped. “No wonder he changed so much…”

_He had been caught sneaking about town with one of the local girls. Not for the first time, and not for the last if he had anything to say about it. However, he carefully bit those words back and took his father’s scolding in silence, although he couldn’t help but sneak sideways peeks at Hanzo, as his brother having been summoned the moment he had been dragged home. Usually, Hanzo would have stood there, blank-faced, showing nothing but a vague agreement with whatever lecture was being levelled in his direction, but today…he blinked, not sure what to make of the pained expression on Hanzo’s face or the way his hands kept curling and uncurling at his sides, almost as though he was fighting the temptation to intercede for once._

_In the end, Hanzo hadn’t spoken out, not that Genji could really blame him, they both knew and feared their father’s wrath. Although he had long since accepted that he was more likely to receive that than praise. However, when it was over, he was surprised when his brother caught him by the arm and pulled him out of the room, not letting him go until they were in the safety of Hanzo’s room. Genji had half been expecting another lecture, and he was caught by surprise when instead Hanzo had gone for the sake on the side, filling two cups and bringing one across to Genji._

_“You like her?”_

_“I do,” Genji replied without hesitation. If he was honest he knew that it wouldn’t last forever, but for now, it was enough, and he wanted to protect it for as long as he could. He blinked at the conflicted expression on Hanzo’s face, the pain that darkened his eyes and it took him a moment to accept the cup of sake that was being held out towards him._

_“Then do not let her go,” Hanzo said gravely, downing his own sake in one gulp before placing the cup on the bed and heading for the door. “Hold onto it for as long as you can, because you will only regret it if you don’t,” he added softly, glancing back over his shoulder and meeting Genji’s startled gaze, a half smile that spoke only of pain slipping onto his face. “Finish your sake, and stay away from father for now. I will speak to him once he has calmed down.” With that he had been gone, leaving Genji more than a little confused, fingers clutching the sake cup as he glanced around the room, searching for some hint as to what could have brought this on, but there was nothing, and with a sigh, he had drained his own cup._

_Brother…._

“I could never understand why he seemed to be speaking from personal experience, or why he was suddenly ready to defend me,” Genji explained. Not that it had done any good in their end, their father had refused to be moved on the issue, but just the fact that Hanzo had tried had helped repair some of the distance that had grown between them. He just wished that he’d fully understood where his brother had been coming from back then.

“If he regretted it…”

“If he had left with you, you would both have been hunted down,” Genji pointed out sharply, understanding McCree’s hurt, but not willing to let him blame Hanzo without fully understanding the situation that his brother had been in. “You would’ve been killed, and I do not care to think what they would have done to my brother.” He closed his eyes, he had experienced for himself how far the clan were willing to go to protect their name. Hanzo might have been protected by being the heir, but there were plenty of ways to break a man without killing him, and he knew that their father and the Clan Elders would not have hesitated to use them against Hanzo. Shaking his head, he reopened his eyes, gazing at the jade dragon that McCree was still cradling in one hand. “But, that dragon...”

“This?”

“He answered it in his own way.”

“I don’t understand,” McCree grumbled, although his fingers tightened around the dragon, his gaze darting briefly to Hanzo’s face. _You gave me an answer?_

“There were only ever a handful of those dragons in existence, how Hanzo managed to sneak one out of the compound without being discovered…” Genji shook his head, amazed and somewhat proud if that realisation. Back then his brother had always seemed so straight-laced and obedient, and yet it seemed as though he had run circles around all of them. “They were only given to those who were going to become part of the family. It was a sign that the receiver was considered family by the Shimadas, that they were under their protection and a threat of what would happen if they were harmed.”

“He…”

“I believe the last one that was publicly given was too our mother before she married our father,” Genji added, remembering the jade dragon that had always sat proudly on his mother’s dressing table. Even when their marriage had become more about business than anything else she had never moved it, speaking sharply to anyone that went too close to it, and he could remember his father shattering it the day that she died, refusing to allow it to pass to anyone else.

“But, he didn’t say anything…” McCree had never been so relieved that he had never got rid of it, thinking guiltily back on the handful of times when he had contemplated it., a pained expression on his face as he turned back to stare at Hanzo. “If he had just said something…”

“He was trying to protect you,” Genji pointed out, glancing down at his brother and adding with a hint of exasperation tinged with fondness. “And it is likely that he didn’t know what to say to you. Because as far as I am aware, Hanzo never loved anyone before or after you…”

   McCree blinked, wide-eyed at that information. It was one thing to learn what the dragon meant, and possibly how Hanzo had felt when giving it and when they had parted ways, but to hear that Hanzo had never found someone else…His hand tightened on the archer’s, his other trembling as he carefully reached out and set the dragon on the bedside table before reaching up and brushing a thumb across a pale cheek.

“I never forgot, but…I tried to move on,” he admitted softly, remembering the days of terrible flirting, of trying to lose himself in other people, especially in the first few months back in America. But it had never been enough. “But there was no one but him, not really,” he added, looking up at Genji, half expecting to see him judging him because he hadn’t waited…not properly…but Genji looked sad albeit understanding, and after a moment he stepped back, releasing his hold on his brother’s hand.

“He doesn’t expect anything.” Genji glanced at Hanzo, face contorting with sorrow that McCree knew had nothing to do with this situation before he met the Cowboy’s eyes once more. “He will probably tell you that he does not deserve another chance, that he doesn’t want one, but my brother’s words rarely reflect what he truly wants.” McCree nodded to show that he understood, not entirely sure what it meant for him…them…though. His heart doing complicated flip-flops at the thought of the conversation they were going to have, and yet his fingers tightened around Hanzo’s.

_Hanzo…_

_I don’t know where we go from here, but I ain’t letting go so easily this time…_

****

   The pain was the first thing that registered. There was a fogginess in his mind that told him he was being medicated, but it seemed to do little for the burning pain in his side and he bit at his bottom lip as he shifted slightly, trying to find a more comfortable position, even as his sluggish mind tried to work out what had happened. He failed at the first, the movement sending fresh pain lancing up his side and he froze in the hopes of making it stop. However, the pain seemed to have jolted his mind back towards normal speed, and he tensed as memories of the mission came back, the realisation that he wouldn’t make it to the hangar…the determination to protect his team…the desperate jump to safety…McCree’s panicked eyes as he pulled him on board…the concern just before he had passed out.

    Hanzo frowned at that memory, vaguely remembering Genji being by his side as well, and the thought of them worrying about him was enough to make him open his eyes, or at least try to as it felt as though someone had attached leaden weights to the lids.

   It took far too long to eventually coax them open, his vision blurry and reducing the world to a confusing swirl of colours, and he blinked long and slow to clear it. Eventually it came into slightly better focus, and he blinked again, he certainly wasn’t in his own quarters, it was too bright for one thing, and he didn’t recognise the ceiling above his head. Cautiously he tilted his head, taking in the curtains that seemed to be cutting off the rest of the room as his mind slowly connected the dots. He had only been in the infirmary once or twice just to make sure he knew where it was, but it was clear that was where he was now.

    Although considering the burning pain in his side, a pain that seemed to be increasing along with his awareness that made sense and he sighed, which became a soft groan. Everything seemed to tug on his injury, and he frowned, tilting his head back in the other direction in the hope of getting a look at the wound. Only to freeze as he found himself confronted with the sight of McCree leaning awkwardly between a chair and his bed, face turned towards him as though he had been watching him sleep, and Hanzo felt his breath catch as he took in the fact that his hand was currently entwined with the gunslinger’s.

“McCree…”


	7. Chapter 7

_Why was McCree there? And why was he holding his hand?_

    Hanzo knew that he had screwed things up by letting that old nickname slip out during the battle, and he knew that McCree had been concerned about him, but this…suddenly overwhelmed he tried to free his hand, only to growl under his breath when McCree’s hand tightened reflexively around his, trapping him in place. Shifting he tried to move into a position that would give him more leverage, only to regret it when the movement sent a lancing pain through his side and he doubled over, unable to stop himself from groaning. _It hurts._ He forgot all about trying to free himself from McCree’s grip, instead trying to get back into a position that didn’t put pressure on the wound, pressing his free hand against his side and trying to just focus on breathing.

_It hurts. It hurts…_

“Hanzo?” It took a moment for the concerned voice to break through the haze of pain clouding his thoughts, and Hanzo only realised that McCree was awake and speaking to him when cool, metallic fingers brushed against his cheek to get his attention. He blinked, pained eyes meeting worried amber, and he grimaced. He didn’t want to put that kind of expression on the other man’s face, and he tried to reassure him, to apologise for worrying him, but the words wouldn’t come and instead he felt his breath hitching as he moved wrong again. “Stop moving!” His hand was finally free, as McCree instead shifted until he was holding him by the shoulders, bearing down with the lightest amount of pressure possible to stop him from moving again. “Just breathe, breathe through it Hanzo…” McCree took slow, deliberate breaths, holding Hanzo’s gaze, silently demanding for him to follow his lead and the archer obeyed. His breath hitched at first, pain still making it harder to focus, but gradually he felt himself calming, the pain fading although it didn’t disappear completely.

   It was a few minutes later that he sank back against the pillows, utterly exhausted, and unable to protest when McCree settled back into his seat and reclaimed his hand once more. Instead, he just lay there, focusing on breathing and trying not to fall asleep, before he finally managed to convince his voice to work.

“That hurt…”

“No kidding,” McCree muttered. It had been Hanzo’s low groan that had woken him, it hadn’t been overly loud, but too many years on the run and his time in Blackwatch having left him unable to sleep through even the slightest noise. Although it hadn’t made him any less bleary-eyed when he’d lifted his head, blinking heavily, taking in the fact that he wasn’t in his own quarters. It was just as he realised that he was in the infirmary that he’d registered the harsh breathing from the archer, and the way Hanzo’s fingers had been clutching at his hand. For a moment, he had panicked…he had seen Hanzo injured before, but not this seriously, and the hitching breath and soft, barely audible whimpers of pain that the archer hadn’t seemed aware that he was making.

   When Hanzo hadn’t responded to his voice, he had nearly shouted for Angela, but as irresponsible as it might have been, he hadn’t wanted her to come and chase him out. There was so much they needed to talk about, so many things that he wanted to ask the archer and he didn’t want to wait. It had been sheer desperation that had him reaching out to cup the archer’s cheek with his free hand, half expecting the other man to jerk away, fighting back memories of doing that to a younger Hanzo, making the other man blush as he drew him into kisses. But it had worked, or at least it had got his attention, although he didn’t want to imagine what his expression must’ve looked like when he had seen the guilt and concern in the dark eyes, and witnessed his efforts to speak.

     Still, there was a warm, relieved feeling in his chest now as he settled back in the chair, noting that the archer was making no attempt to escape his hold on his hand, although that might have been because he was visibly fighting against sleep. Still, McCree was determined to bask in the fact that he had managed to calm Hanzo, at least until his concern won out and he leant forward again. “How are you feeling?”

“Like I got shot,” Hanzo replied drily, and McCree shot him a dark look, not needing to be reminded of that part. His eyes darting down to the bandages covering the wounds, making sure that the others movements hadn’t reopened them. “It hurts, but I will survive, I’ve had worse.” McCree really didn’t want to think about that, well aware that it was true for both of them. So much had changed since then, and he swallowed thickly at the thought, only to be dragged out of his morose thoughts when Hanzo’s fingers tightened around his, and he glanced up to see the older man frowning. “What happened? I remember making it on-board, and that you were there…”

“You nearly died,” McCree didn’t mince his words, unable to forget the panic that had engulfed him when Hanzo had lost consciousness on the plane. “Even the Doc said it had been close…” _Too close_ , he wanted to add, but he knew that it wasn’t necessary because Hanzo had stilled at his words, and he sighed, voice softer as he added unsteadily. “You scared me…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, just don’t do it again,” McCree ordered, taking a shuddering breath before managing a weak, lopsided grin as he added softly. “Especially not after calling me ‘Cowman’.” His heart leapt at the nickname, just as it had when Hanzo had let it slip over the communicator, and when he focused on the archer it was just in time to see a hint of a blush spreading across his cheeks.

“I did not mean to…”

“I know,” McCree grinned wryly at the whispered words. That much had been obvious from the way the archer had reacted, and from the deepening colour in his cheeks, but he shook his head, fingers tightening on Hanzo’s and encouraging the other man to look at him. “But, I’m glad you did.” Would Hanzo have ever told him if he hadn’t slipped up in the heat of battle? Probably not. He had got to know the archer well enough since he had joined Overwatch to realise that he would hold things close for as long as possible, even if he was only hurting himself by doing so, and while it had been a less than ideal time to reveal it, it was better than never finding out.

“You are…?” If it had been a different situation, McCree would have laughed at the stunned expression that greeted his words. In all the time that he had known the other man, both when they were younger, and now he didn’t think he could ever recall the archer looking that surprised. Instead, the stunned expression sent a slight pang through him. _He doubts it that much?_ Hanzo was blinking now, the surprise slowly being replaced with uncertainty. “But, you didn’t…”

“Hanzo,” McCree cut him off softly, and the archer blinked at him, before slowly following his gaze as McCree tilted his head towards where he had set the jade dragon the older man had given him, and he heard Hanzo’s sharp intake of breath as he recognised the ornament. Glimpsing the suspicious shimmer to the dark eyes, and his voice was warm as he added softly. “I never forgot….”

“But…”

“I didn’t recognise you,” McCree admitted sheepishly. Hesitating for a moment before reaching out to brush his fingers lightly through the silvery strands framing Hanzo’s face, taking courage from the fact that other man made no effort to avoid his touch. He stared at him for a moment, his stomach twisting itself into knots as this close all he could see was the man he had fallen in love with all those years ago, and there was a waver to his voice when he continued. “I’m sorry for that Sweetheart, I really am. But I never forgot you. Even without that dragon of yours, I could never have forgotten you.” It had shown too, the few relationships he had attempted over the years had always failed, because he could never hide the fact that there had been someone else, and that there was still someone else _. Hanzo never loved anyone before or after you…_ Genji’s words echoed through his mind, and his lips quirked slightly, as he realised that they were more similar than he’d thought they were.

“Have I changed that much?” Hanzo asked, clearly still caught up on the fact that he hadn’t been recognised, and there was a shadow in his eyes that bothered McCree.

“We both have,” he pointed out softly. “But…I think part of me had accepted that I wasn’t going to see you again, not after how we parted, and so I didn’t connect the dots.” Hanzo’s expression had darkened at the reminder of how they had parted ways, the shadow in his eyes growing and he looked away, but not before McCree caught the emotions flickering across his face. Guilt. Grief. Anger. Fear. He hated to see those emotions on Hanzo’s face, and he wished that he could just brush what had happened aside, and comfort him, but there were still answers he wanted… needed…and after a moment he gathered his courage. “Hanzo.” He paused, waiting until the archer tilted his head ever so slightly to indicate that he was listening before continuing. “I understand why you couldn’t tell me back then, or at least I think I do, and Genji explained what your family would have done. But… Why? Why didn’t you tell me when we met again? Back when Genji first introduced us?” His voice had risen a little towards the end, and he grimaced, seeing the effect each word had on Hanzo.

“I…”

“Hanzo,” he deliberately softened his voice again, tightening his hold when he realised that Hanzo was trying to free his hand. It was a brief struggle, the archer lacking the strength to fight for any longer and eventually admitting defeat with a soft huff and he snorted at the sound, before pleading with him once more. “Please, I just wanted to understand.”

    Hanzo had the same stunned expression on his face again, but this time it was undermined by a strange longing, and it slowly dawned on McCree that it was something that Hanzo had never had. _Understanding._ Back when they had first met McCree hadn’t understood the situation, he had been young and in love, and he hadn’t realised that it wasn’t as simple as that. The Shimada Clan had never tried to understand Hanzo or Genji, and it had pushed them to the point where they had been forced to fight, and even now they were struggling to learn how to understand one another. And McCree…McCree hadn’t recognised him, he hadn’t understood the barriers to their friendship, and he hadn’t understood Hanzo’s reaction to the news they were going to be on a mission together. He hadn’t understood, but now he was determined to make sure that he did, reaching out with his other hand so that Hanzo’s was cradled between both of his, holding his gaze and offering him an encouraging smile. “Sweetheart, tell me.”

“I was afraid,” Hanzo whispered, the words tiptoeing out as he glanced away and McCree blinked, unable to recall a single time when the archer had so openly admitted to being afraid, and the fact that it was related to him left a bitter taste in his mouth.

“Afraid?”

“That you had forgotten me, or…” Hanzo faltered, glancing at him, eyes darting to where McCree was cradling his hand and he once again caught longing in the dark eyes before the archer looked away, fixating his gaze on some point that only he could see as he continued haltingly. “Or that maybe you were aware of who I was. But…”

“That I didn’t want this?” McCree tilted his head towards their hands, eyes narrowing when Hanzo gave a tiny, uncertain nod, and he sucked in a sharp breath. _Hanzo._ His grip tightened, to the point where he knew that it must be bordering on painful, waiting silently until finally, Hanzo glanced at him again, and he wondered just what his expression was showing because Hanzo went still, seemingly unable to look away. “Or that I didn’t want you?” He knew that he had hit the jackpot this time, feeling the flinch that went through Hanzo at the question, unsurprised when Hanzo looked away again, eyes darker than before and he sighed. “Hanzo…”

“The man you fell in love with.” Hanzo sounded almost as though he doubted that had ever been the case, and McCree’s mouth tightened. Just how much did this man doubt himself? Doubt McCree? But Genji’s warning echoed in his head and fought the urge to snap before he heard the Hanzo out, but he knew that he was scowling, not that the other man was looking at him. “That man is long gone. I am not that man, and I…” _I do not deserve this, and you cannot want me…_ The words hung unspoken in the air between them, and McCree growled under his breath.

“Look me in the eye and tell me that,” McCree demanded, voice harsher than he had intended, but Genji’s warning was echoing in his ears and he would be damned if he let the archer push him away for a reason like that. Not when Hanzo was clinging to his hand as though it was the only thing anchoring him in place, not after he had used that nickname with such fondness, not when he risked so much to keep them all safe. “Tell me that the man I’ve spent the last few months getting to know, and becoming friends with. The man who risked his life to keep us…me safe is not the same one who did everything in his power when we were younger to protect me! To give me an answer even though it was dangerous and I was too stupid to understand it! Tell me that the man in front of me right now, the man who hasn’t let go of my hand even once, does not want this!”

“But I…”

“I know what you’ve done since then,” McCree cut across him gently, knowing that was still a sore subject and he moved on before Hanzo could get caught up on the past. “Just as you know what I’ve done.” He never made any bones of what he’d done in the past. It had happened, and he was working to make up for it, that was all there was to it. But now, faced with Hanzo, he found himself shifting slightly, a little nervous as he asked softly. “Does that change how you see me?”

“Of course, not!” Hanzo looked surprised at the forcefulness of his own response, although it was ruined slightly by the grimace that followed as he had jolted upwards with his need to reassure McCree, forgetting his injury, something that had been quick to protest the move. Making sure not to let go of Hanzo’s hand, McCree reached out with the other hand to steady him and lean him back against the pillows, unable to hide his relieved grin at the answer. “Then why should what you’ve done change the way I see you?”

“Because, I tried to kill my brother,” Hanzo whispered.

“I know.” There was no point in denying that, they all knew what had happened between the brothers, just as they knew that Genji had long since forgiven Hanzo. Sighing he reached up to cup Hanzo’s cheek, not letting the archer look away. “I knew that before I met you again, and it didn’t stop me falling for you all over again.” He definitely had Hanzo’s attention now, and he smiled.

    It had been something he’d realised before he’d fallen asleep. Hearing that old nickname, realising who Hanzo was…sure it had reawakened old feelings that he’d never got rid of, but it was more than that, because the man in the bed was still the man he had spent months getting to know, worked so hard to get through to. And he’d been unable to hold back a laugh at how utterly blind he had been when he had realised that it had long since become more than friendship motivating him.

“You…” Hanzo was searching his face, looking for any hint of a lie and McCree easily held his gaze, his smile growing as he finally saw a tiny glint of hope in amongst the longing. “Why?” He sounded utterly bewildered, much as he had back there in their garden when he had asked why McCree kept coming to see him, why he hadn’t disappeared when he had realised that Hanzo wasn’t going to give him his name.

   McCree sighed, he knew how stubborn Hanzo was. He’d had plenty of experience with that side of him both in the past and now, and he also knew that Hanzo tended to be wary of words on their own because it was too easy for people to mask their intentions with pretty words. Not that he’d ever been good at that. Hell, he’d lost track of the number of times his bluntness had got him into trouble both with the Deadlock Gang and later with Blackwatch. Age had mellowed him, but he was still preferred action. It was that which had him leaning forward, watching carefully for any sign of a negative response, fingers gently stroking against Hanzo’s cheek as he pressed their lips together. There was none of the heat, the passion that had defined their kisses when they were younger. Now was not the time for that, and too much had changed. Instead, it was soft, chaste, a confirmation of the words he had been saying, and he smiled when he finally felt a tentative response.

   He was the first to pull back, smirking slightly when he heard a soft, disappointed noise that Hanzo wasn’t quite able to hold back and it softened to a smile as he stole another quick kiss.

“How about we start over?” He asked, smiling at the confused frown that met his question. “I’m Jesse McCree…” He shifted his fingers, tilting Hanzo’s face up slightly and seeing the comprehension dawning in the other man’s eyes. “Will you tell me your name?” It was foolish. They had come too far for Hanzo to have any need to lie or to try and hide, and yet he still felt nervousness pooling in his stomach as he waited for the other man to reply. A soft breath escaping when a small, barely perceptible smile crossed the other man’s face as he leant into the fingers holding his chin.

“Hanzo Shimada…”

 


End file.
